I realise I spend far too much time studiously reading books and angsting over discipline. Instead, I should trust my instincts more and trust God's guidance more.
I've been reading this book, Shepherding the heart of a child, that asserts that children should be taught to obey at the first instance, no matter what. Although they may negotiate, ie, "can i finish the puzzle first?", they are expected to heed the call, if the answer from mum or dad is "no". And if they don't, we have to smack them, as that is what the bible calls for and we have no right to challenge what God asks us to do as parents. Well, I would say that there are some good principles in this book, about winning the heart of a child, but this book has also caused me much distress as i tried to apply its principles, mainly, teach her to obey at the first instance. The end result? I got really tired and frustrated, having to put on my stern face, about 20-30 times a day, which is really hard to do, given my personality. it also caused my little one to withdraw from me. in fact, she told me that the job of a mummy is to punish. ouch! Anyways, after confessing to a crime one night, without prompting, I had to punish, but really, was too tired, from punishing the entire day, to punish further. So, i sent her to bed, while I tossed and turned, troubled by the confessed crime and my parenting. As usual, I couldn't sleep, so got out of bed at 1am and talked to God (for some reason, I hear Him most clearly at about that time). 2 things happened. Firstly, my helper awoke too and sat down to chat with me. Our casual chat revealed that Maeve's misdeed wasn't an act of naughtiness but really that of excitement and she had apologised profusely to the other little kid. That took a load of my mind as I was envisioning a little ganster in the making.The next was a book that God set my eyes upon, Parenting with Grace and Truth. The book affirmed all that I had been doing with Maeve (before I read the other book) and assured me that my general sense of uneasiness with this new method of parenting and discipline was the appropriate response. It is amazing how God speaks so clearly and specifically to me in the dead of the night. I am CHUCKING that book out as I started parenting with lots of truth and NO grace, and i HATED the mother that I had become on account of that book.

Now, I am parenting and disciplining my usual way, with lots of smiles and kisses for thoughtful action, good behaviour and pretty much ignoring her when she's cranky (instead of punishing) and punishing only for misdeed. We are all much happier and Maeve is back to her cheerful, cheeky self. So the moral of the story? Stop being such an insecure parent and reading all these parenting books! Instead, trust that God has equipped me over the years to do what's best for her.

2 year olds are egocentric creatures that truely believe they are the sun and we are the planets that revolve around them. I've known this, having studied this in child psychology, but knowing this in theory doesn't stop one from choking in horror as the egocentricity gets played out on a daily basis. This culminated in the penultimate command from the little tyke last week.
"call me god".
"No, I'm not going to and I'd like you to get into the shower"
"say, 'god, please get into the shower'"
"No! And I'm counting to 10. 1..."
"mummy, say 'i'm counting to 10 god' "

That, was last week. This week, beginning with Sunday, has been rather testing, as the little one has decided to, well, let's just say, she has been doing the greek goddess on me. jealousy, tantrum throwing, screaming, pinching, biting, kicking, pushing...the list goes on. In just 3 days, I've had to punish the little goddess multiple times a day and IT GETS BLOODY TIRING! Which makes me ponder, why can't they choose to obey? choose to be good? choose to listen to their parents? The answer is glaringly obvious. We are fallen creatures who have to LEARN to be good, and parents are the agents of change. If we fail to correct, the fallen creature will fall further and it all rests on my small shoulders. And here i am, typing at 1 am, after yet another night interrupted by screaming and crying...i actually can't remember when i had an uninterrupted night's sleep...seems like that happened in another life. The only difference is, tonight i decided to join her and cry with her, and when i started, i couldn't stop. it felt like i hadn't cried for a long time and i needed to get it out of the system. catharsis. I am still an emotional wreck, but typing this makes me feel a lot better. i hope i sleep a lot better after this too.