I wish I could envelop you in my embrace
Kiss the fears away
Defeat the bad guys (even if the bad guy were me)
Make you smile again.
But I cannot enter the deep, dark crevices of your mind
The secret spaces
Your dreams are yours, and yours alone
I cannot stop the shivering
Ebb the flow of tears
Hold your threshing body as you shout "mummy you dropped me!"
All this with eyes closed, as you cling on desperately in that other world
But I can wrap you up with all of me
Hum your favourite lulluby
Kiss each little tear
As I gently awaken you,your eyes wild, fingers gripping mine tightly
You smile, confused
Your smile, comforting two rapidly beating hearts
You sign for milk, I watch the shadows in the dark
That I can do.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Why?
the mind of a 2 year old is one of life's great mysteries. sometimes
each thought reaches its eventual conclusion, but mostly, it just loops
about, sometimes orbiting in the grey spaces, sometimes splintering
into 3 separate threads.
A case in point. Morning. the little
one walks about the room, spies a dropped pine nut from her bread,
picks it up, inserts it into right nostril. Thankfully a) she told me
about it; b)it wasn't too deeplylodged, hence, a pressing on the left nostril with a big quick blow saw the pine nut lunge out and hit the wall.
Most
parents of toddlers know that asking a 2 year old "why did you do
that?" is an exercise in futility, but somehow we never seem to learn
and after yet another mysterious infringement, we (okay, I) will always
ask why. the answer is always the same. "Because." Existentialists can
have a field day with that one.
Another case in point. The same day. Afternoon.I brought the little one for lunch out at T3, Popeye's.
Sat her in a normal chair (not a high-chair anymore, she resents those
now) and we settled down to munch on our deep fried, highcholesterol chicken. A littler one walked past and our chicken muncher nonchalantly
sticks out a leg and almost succeeds in tripping the one year old. No
expression. No look of glee or mischief. No look of horror (That came
from me). It was almost a scientific experiment. What happens when I
stick out my leg when someone walks past? It was only when she saw my
face, that she realised the action was definitely NOT COOL. Before I
could start my lecture probably entitled "Evil", the dear one asked,
"that was naughty?"
Grunt.
"I should apologise".
Grunt.
the
little now contrite one climbs down from her chair, goes about 3 tables
away to the almost-tripped baby and, gasp! apologises to the whole
family for tripping their baby!! I watched this 3 tables away as she
pats the baby's hand, elicits forgiveness, then skips back to me, a
heart lightened by forgiveness.
As I said, the mind of a 2 year old is unfathomable.
each thought reaches its eventual conclusion, but mostly, it just loops
about, sometimes orbiting in the grey spaces, sometimes splintering
into 3 separate threads.
A case in point. Morning. the little
one walks about the room, spies a dropped pine nut from her bread,
picks it up, inserts it into right nostril. Thankfully a) she told me
about it; b)it wasn't too deeplylodged, hence, a pressing on the left nostril with a big quick blow saw the pine nut lunge out and hit the wall.
Most
parents of toddlers know that asking a 2 year old "why did you do
that?" is an exercise in futility, but somehow we never seem to learn
and after yet another mysterious infringement, we (okay, I) will always
ask why. the answer is always the same. "Because." Existentialists can
have a field day with that one.
Another case in point. The same day. Afternoon.I brought the little one for lunch out at T3, Popeye's.
Sat her in a normal chair (not a high-chair anymore, she resents those
now) and we settled down to munch on our deep fried, highcholesterol chicken. A littler one walked past and our chicken muncher nonchalantly
sticks out a leg and almost succeeds in tripping the one year old. No
expression. No look of glee or mischief. No look of horror (That came
from me). It was almost a scientific experiment. What happens when I
stick out my leg when someone walks past? It was only when she saw my
face, that she realised the action was definitely NOT COOL. Before I
could start my lecture probably entitled "Evil", the dear one asked,
"that was naughty?"
Grunt.
"I should apologise".
Grunt.
the
little now contrite one climbs down from her chair, goes about 3 tables
away to the almost-tripped baby and, gasp! apologises to the whole
family for tripping their baby!! I watched this 3 tables away as she
pats the baby's hand, elicits forgiveness, then skips back to me, a
heart lightened by forgiveness.
As I said, the mind of a 2 year old is unfathomable.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
discerning the heart of God
Parenthood gives me a peek into the heart of God in a way that I've never seen before but probably hypothesised over a million times. Every time the little one chooses not to do as she's told, even after a few reminders,I see the stark reality of sin and feel the disappointment and knowledge of what is to come. When punishment is meted out and the little one stands alone in the corner, separated by a gulf so wide, filled with pain, hurt and the anxiety of separation on her part, and overwhelming sorrow on mine, i feel God's heart. The times i deliberately hurt and disobey God, i ignore Him when He calls, i choose apathy rather than passion, God has to put me in the corner so that i can reconcile myself with Him eventually. The reality of the cross also becomes starking as i see the little one run across the threshold, straight into my arms, weeping and apologising, reconciling herself to me.That cross on our floor, where Jesus streched Himself out on, so that we can run on, to reconcile ourselves to our Heavenly Father.
Yesterday was particularly trying, when i had to punish 3 times for non compliance, this coupled with an old gastric problem acting up after many years of remission. But there is always the sweetness after where the little one "massaged" my tummy, laid hands on it and prayed for "jesus to make mummy better", after which she planted many little kisses all over me. Like my daughter, I too need to learn how to be sweet and plant little kisses on God after making God sad.
Yesterday was particularly trying, when i had to punish 3 times for non compliance, this coupled with an old gastric problem acting up after many years of remission. But there is always the sweetness after where the little one "massaged" my tummy, laid hands on it and prayed for "jesus to make mummy better", after which she planted many little kisses all over me. Like my daughter, I too need to learn how to be sweet and plant little kisses on God after making God sad.
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