Maeve's first christmas social

Christmas at home

Christmas has been a great time to catch up with friends and family, eat a lot, play a lot and reflect on the meaning of Christmas. It has also been a time of thanksgiving, for all the blessings i've received, all the favour, all the forgiveness. It has truely been a magical year where i got to watch my darling grow and develop into a sweet yet cheeky toddler who bestows kisses on all and is generous with her smiles and hugs.Sometimes i feel guilty that i've gone back to work part-time, just when she's starting to get interactive, but bern says he prefers me to work. better for my sanity! i'm just thankful that Maeve has wonderful care givers in the afternoon and that mum and dad are so willing to sacrifice their time and personal space to look after the little one.

BReaking the midnight snack

I just got kicked out of bed. It is for the best. Acccording to the hubby. Maeve has been crying non-stop for milk since 4am and we've been trying to get her the kick the habit. If she smells me, it makes it all the more hard and it doesn't help that i turn to mush once she starts begging. It has been an hour and she's still at it while i type in the next room. It is heart wrenching to know you can end her misery so easily, but are deliberately not doing so....for the long term good of everyone. I am just pacing and trying to distract myself from the crying so that i won't dash into the room and rescue my little one. When we come back from our retreat, the plan is to migrate her to her own room and cot. Not sure how that'll work or how long she's cry, but if we were to get our nights back together as a couple, she'll have to move. I guess i'm ambivalent about it as i figure she'll only stay a baby for so long and before we know it, she won't really want to sleep with us, prefering her own space. I also enjoy the cuddles in bed, the singing and holding each other to sleep. But! i guess hubby needs his wife back and he doesn't quite appreciate Maeve's slamming her little feet into his face nightly!

phuket

we're back from phuket! we stayed in a wonderful 2 bedroom apartment at alllamanda that overlooked the lagoon. peaceful and so gorgeous! while bern and i didn't get to do the snorkelling, kayaking that we hoped to do, we had just as much fun taking the shuttle boat around the lagoon, from hotel to hotel. almost felt like venice, well, except for the scorching weather. we brought along the pram, but as usual, it was more to put the diaper bag than the diapered one. And as usual, maeve spent most of her time in my arms whenever she's not exploring on her little fox-shoed feet.

the little things

It is the little things that make life worthwhile and me, the most blessed person in the world. it is the way Maeve strokes my arm before she sleeps, the way she flutters her eyelashes at us and grins when she is being cheeky. it is the way Bern sits up in bed in the middle of the night, fast asleep but wearing his glasses (to show he's not asleep) when i nurse maeve for the umpteenth time when she is sick and fussy...a sign of support and solidarity.it is the way mum drops everything to drive us to the PD AND waits 2 hrs together with me only to have to return in the evening because the doctor needs a dinner break. it is the way dad puts maeve on his chest to sleep EVERY afternoon nap having to contend with a saliva-perspiration soaked shirt after (and the possibility of being nursed on by a drowsy baby!). It is the way my helper fusses over maeve like she were her own child and gives her the love and attention that could have been directed towards her own children back in her hometown. I couldn't get any more blessed!

our bumble bee

THe only time you can dress your child up as an animal is when they are 1 and under...so i'm relishing the experience! now, maeve can't protest, can't be stroppy, can't decide she'd rather wear this or that, or not be caught dead in what mum buys..! so here she is, with daddy, as an adorable little bumble bee...bzzzzz..... of course, this bumble bee doesn't want to be air-borne for long, prefering instead to walk and traipse all round the house. now, no one can carry her for long. she'll demand "walk walk" and writhe and wriggle her way out of our arms. Thank goodness she doesn't do that in public..i can't imagine her writhing on the floor of a shopping centre! Although i must say, she is starting to exhibit the scary terrible-twos syndrome! bern and i were discussing our discipline methods and what we agree on. AND what we agree on is that we don't want maeve to turn into a brat, so if we need to give the right spank, we'd have to grit our teeth and do it. NOW i understand the "it-pains-me-more-than-it-does-you" that parents dole out. i always thought "yah, right! as if!" but now, it comes back to haunt me. it really is true! i can't even bear to scold her! oh dear! i'm such a fluffy bunny!

Maeve's birhday...a month and a half ago

We had a little teeny weeny party with family and 2 friends with kids. i don't really want big dos, well, i'm too lazy to have them, and besides, maeve will probably be overwhelmed. so her party was really quite nice as i got to catch up with mich and chris and uncle and aunt. maeve also had her nap in the midst of her party! Dwayne has offered her a hi-5 party when she gets older! that'll be great fun given her ardent adoration of the group.

the miracle of prayer

last night was particularly bad. i was having the mother of all fevers at 39 degrees and pretty much useless. my bones were chilled and frozen and i moved my feverish self out to the sofa to sleep and thaw. maeve woke every 2 hours, i guess because in place of mommy, she found a bolster next to her ( i was hoping she wouldn't notice). she shrieked and cried and kept calling for milk (even with an anguished "please"--her version is "bee-eh"). i just hoped dear hubby could manage her as i tried to ignore her cries. in desperation, he prayed over her in tongues and hey presto! she was asleep in 10 sec! If i'd known that worked so much better, i'd have asked hubby to do so every time maeve woke through her 1st year!

mortality

Today I am thinking about mortality. I just read a stranger's blog last night that was dedicated to her baby girl that lived for 3 days, and her other 2 babies that were still born. as i read, i wept into the keyboard, large salty tears that will probably corrode the keyboard. No mother should ever need to bury their babies. it is an act against nature, a complete reversal of nature and the pain i felt for that mother was profound and deep. While i haven't been on that road, i've walked a few steps on that painful road. The steps that made me wrestle with God each time i wasn't pregnant, cry in fear when i had to stick yet another needle daily in my tummy, collapse in grief when yet another fertility treatment failed. I've also thought about the little embryos that accompanied Maeve. where are they now? were they my unborn children? are they in heaven? or are they just cells? the un-children? I also thought about that time, years ago where i was so sure i was pregnant but later bled so badly all over a friend's polished parquette and refusing to look at the huge clots that clogged the toilet bowl later, afraid of what i might have seen. Did i lose her or him that day? And i look at maeve, grinning at me, banging around the house, practising her newly-acquired walking skills, smug as a bug. i reach out and hold her, breathe into the baby scent as she twists and worms around, a bid for freedom.All my love, for her.

And we all fall down

The trouble with having an affectionate baby is inheriting all the germs while being kissed. maeve absolutely loves kissing me (and I her), but because of this great display of love, i've also come down with conjunctivitis. While she gets a red eye for a day, i get it for 3 days and counting and its so bad i have closed my windows as light hurts my eyes. the little darlin is wondering why mummy seems to be crying all the time. she looks concerned, worried, and tries to kiss me more to offer some comfort. She is thankfully recovered (i hope) from her upper respiratory infection. She had a fever (really scarily high) for 5 days and finally today, didn't break out into a fever. i hope this means she is on the mend. i am just nursing her like crazy in the belief that it will provide her with strong antibodies to counter all germs.Don't know if that works, but a mother's got to do what a mother's got to do.I just thank God that her fever diudn't affect her sense of mischief or her dodged attempt to practice walking. Maeve is walking much more now, although she looks like a drunken sailor when she does that. Her grandparents dash after her each time, so afraid she'll fall, and I dash after them, so afraid THEY'LL fall. And so the merry-go-round continues!

why God made little girls

A little girl gave a beautifully wrapped box to her father. her father opened it and found it empty.
father: don't you know that when you give a gift, you have to put something inside?
girl: daddy, it's not empty! i blew lots of kisses into it!

when the day doesn't go well and adults make me mad, all i have to do is play with my little girl, who will invariably shower me with plenty of squeezy hugs and big wet kisses. that makes everything go away and puts a rainbow in my path, a skip in my walk and a song in my heart. and that's why God made little girls.

sign language--boon or bane?

i've been trying out sign language with maeve since she was 6 months old and only of late has she been able to sign back...which is supposed to be good! now she can tell me what she wants and neither will get frustrated. right? wrong! now that she CAN tell me what she wants, she does it ALL THE TIME, even if i don't really want to give her what she wants. in this case, milk. she signs for milk every hour and i'm practically dried up already! and in case i didn't understand her sign, Maeve punctuates it with "malk malk" and looks purposefully at me. i'm now trying to pretend i don't understand her sign, which defeats the whole purpose of me trying to teach her to sign to begin with. now to teach her delayed gratification.

One two and up we go!

classic case of climbing before you can walk! maeve has taken to climbing up anything that has an "up" to it. so far, she's scaled the staircase at her grandparents' (and very quickly too!) and today, she tried the ladder at home. the problem is my little climber does not allow me to support her in her endeavours, but beats my hands away, or growls at me. what's a mum to do? nothing is safe anymore! and because of her recent exploratory excursions, she refuses to sit in anything with a strap: high chair, car seat...so breakfast, lunch and dinner have been served on any willing lap. in a few days time, maeve will graduate to become a toddler. she already looks like one, with lengthening arms and legs, but every night as she sleeps, she transforms to that of a baby again, with little fingers in her mouth, as she sleeps cuddled in her winnie-the-pooh sleeping bag. if i could freeze the moment, that would be lovely.

At the Oscars

Our little actress has been hamming it up for her adoring fans (mummy and daddy, grandpa and grandma and auntie leia). Act 1 starts with cough and sneeze imitations, the prologue, Act 2 has the loud shouts of banana, umbrella, shower-wower, dog, bird etc etc, interspersed with winking eyes and hand gestures. Act 3 is the tragedy: the imitation of her cousin crying (unfortunately)ending with giggles. Act 4 is the imitation of sleep where the little ham puts her head on the floor and plays dead. i guess the seed doesn't fall far from the acting tree! she makes me not want to go to work. why teach drama when i have my mini-show at home every day! now to train her not to do her curtain calls at 5am when mummy really wants to be supportive, but can't muster opening the eyes. anyone wants to employ a really short actress?

And then I awoke....

...in the morning! i can't believe it! God is good. now that maeve is turning one, she has been sleeping longer stretches in the night and i've only woken up to nurse her when i see the sun rise. Of course my care group has been praying for almost a year for Maeve to sleep! my long-suffering prayer warriors!! for the first time ever since maeve was born, i actually slept long enough to dream. sure, many others who train their babies to sleep when they were 3 months have been sleeping blissfully, but i totally abandoned the sleep training, not in my personality, and chose to let her learn to sleep naturally. and she finally did it! we've also put her in a little sleeping bag so she can't kick the blanket off (and kick us for that matter)at night. HOWEVER, she has taken to sleeping on my face, cheek to cheek, all very sweet it looks, but not when she slam-dunks herself on me at 3am, grabbing fistfuls of my hair in her dreamy state and doing the occasional lick/suck on my cheek, forehead, nose...cherished love-bites from my little pumpkin.

And her first word is....

....DOG! (that is if i don't count the da-da, ma-ma, ba-ba, ga-ga that she accords to us randomly). but Dog is said with both comprehension and precision, ie. point at said animal and enunciate. not "doh", not "dor", but "dog". when they do that, it sets your heart a-flutter! now, she's added to her repertoire. thankfully, she can do the usual ma-ma etc with comprehension. she can also point to real or pictorial bananas and go "na-na"! with glee. 'umbrella' is "na-na-na" for some reason. i know once she starts on this journey of speech, she'll be talking 19 to the dozen. as it is, she jabbers non-stop already, mostly to her cot companions, Peter Rabbit and her various donuts. God alone know what they talk about.

My screaming night banshee

I have yet to see the end of the tunnel where night-waking is concerned. some babies manage it at 3 months, 6 months, 9 months...mine is 10 months and counting. i've got all sorts of theories why maeve is still waking up.
a)sleeping is kinda boring
b)she hasn't learnt to sleep through and i have to teach her (which means prolonged crying with a chance it wouldn't fly)
c) it is all part of God's plan..i am being put through some trial by fire for some reason...and i obviously am not learning the lesson, so the lesson got extended.
reason A is lame and when she cries with her eyes closed, it means she WANTS to sleep. reason B is probable, but i tried cuddling, rocking etc for more than 2 hrs and she outlasted me. still had to surrender and nurse her to sleep. Reason C? well, reason C has me stumped as i have no idea what i need training in. patience perhaps? as for now, i can only beg God every night, "please let her sleep, because i so need to sleep..i haven't slept more than 3 continuous hours in 10 months and i'm beat". now to think positive thoughts and appreciate the fact that she's an absolute angel in the day!

musings upon a crib

1. Despite what Big Important Scientific Researchers say, i believe babies do dream. if not, why does Maeve smile to herself and chuckle while sound asleep in the dead of the night? And if she does dream, what does she dream about to plant that beautiful smile? My guess is fountains and fountains of milk all around her!
2. Why are nursery rhymes so perverse? i mean, think of the poor blind mice who got their tales chopped off, the baby that fell off the tree top, cradle and all, humpty dumpty that got more than his fair share of broken bones, the 24 black birds that got baked alive! it is enough to send any baby to the funny farm. after all, which perverse mother would sing such acts of atrocity to them every day?!
3. Why would we put our most precious ones in a place with bars all around? will they think, "what crime have i committed?"

she's all grown up

it wasn't very long ago i held a 3.2 kg maeve in my arms and stared at her in wonderment. now, 3.2 has become 8.2 and flabby mommy arms have become muscular arms. they grow up so fast. maeve is super clingy, but it is also because she is so mobile now, crawling, standing, cruising..and it is so easy to lose mommy when you're playing. of course, with all that mobility, the number of bruises, grazes, cuts, bumps also goes up. what to do? i am already mourning her babyhood as it is fast coming to an end. toddlerhood looms large and i must prepare myself for the new phase.

my ragdoll

when one falls ill, one feels a tad irritated, perhaps with bits of self-pity thrown in. when a spouse falls ill, you feel helpless and a little sad. When your child falls ill, your heart just breaks into a million pieces. because you can't make her feel better. because you can't take the fever away. because all the kisses and squeezes won't put a smile on her face. because she looks like a little rag doll in your arms with the life gone out of her eyes. maeve ran a fever of 39.5 and i just freaked out, carrying my little rag doll to the nearest clinic at 10pm. thank God for late night clinics. thank God for Brufen. Panadol doesn't work over 39 degrees. fever broke at 2am and my pumpkin was a brand new baby, all smiles and claps and babbles. although it was 2 am, both bern and i sat up to entertain her. we were so glad to have our little imp back!

How many incy-wincy spiders does it take...

..from home to grandma's? 6. from home to ah ma's? about 20, and 10 skimmer-re-rinky's, 11 i-hear-thunders and lots of star biscuits and countless games of peek-a-boo. now our car journeys are calculated that way, so no trips to the zoo yet, until mommmy masters more nursery rhymes. peek-a-boos are great for the journey, especially when maevie is in charge of the "a-boo" bit with her hat. of course when all else fails and she is way way bored, turn on the radio loud and try not to hear the screaming. for now, short trips around home are good. we'll train her in due time to venture further.

am i bootiful?

bumped into an old friend yesterday...and she was gorgeous! as in ravishingly gorgeous! and all of a sudden, feelings of insecurity came smacking at my door. the thing is, i'm so thick-skinned and blase about looks usually (as in i don't even know how to use eye-liner or mascara without doing serious injury to myself) it actually came as a surprise that i would feel, well, not so good. i guess it is because we're the same age, but she had toned arms, no tummy, silky hair and an angel's smile. In comparison, i looked like something the cat dragged in, with tangled curly hair destroyed by the drizzle, and enough tummy fats for maeve to trampoline on. and that is why it is good to marry someone myopic (literally). he thinks i'm gorgeous still...he may be lying through his teeth, no matter. that's all that the shallow me wanted to hear last night!

Miss Hardworking

a couple of nights ago, we were woken at 2am by a jill-in-the-box who popped up from bed and started practising her clapping. so in the dead of the night, clap-clap-clap-clap, ba-ba-ba-ba, cough-cough, louder cough-cough, finally a smack in the face as jill-in-the-box falls on my face in an attempt to wake me. funny how babies conscientiously and judiciously practise new skills at all hours..and adults don't. i can't imagine waking at 2am to practise some new yoga move. her whole recital (including fancy backward moves) lasted one hour after which she flopped forward and fell asleep.thankfully her daddy is on holiday or else he probably won't find it too amusing!

Learning Leaps

my little pumpkin has recently learnt to wave bye-bye. at all animate and inanimate. so, bye-bye to grandpa and grandma, bye-bye to the tree, bye-bye to the rubbish bin. she even waves when she is sleepy and yawning! and lest you think you are extra special when she waves at you, your ego comes crashing down when she waves at EVERYONE in the shopping centre and gives her cheeky smile and wink. oh yes, she winks. God alone knows what other flirty gestures she'll be up to when she's older! and now that maeve is older and easier to manage, it is time to think about job possibilities. i know i have to really pray about this before making big decisions. its funny how it took me a year to pray and seek God before i took a year's no-pay leave, but takes me seconds to decide to return to work, even if just part-time. maybe, it is the need for adult conversation, maybe it is the need to feel i still can contribute economically, maybe it is so that i won't be forgotten in the "outside world". i am filled with envy everytime bernard brings home stories from work and i so long to be a part of that life of his out of the house. i've even desperately suggested inviting his colleagues over for dinner...but...he ain't havin any of it. ah well. will think of something else. desperately need to have a party. the party animal in me dressed in housewifedom is dying to get out.

Motherhood and guilt

when one becomes a mother, one signs on the dotted line for a lifetime of guilt. Guilt when you don't pick up the little screaming bundle..so she learns to wait, guilt when you DO pick her up...then you negate your training. Guilt when you drop the precious bundle at the granparents', guilt when you have absolutely no idea why she's crying (aren't mums supposed to be cued in??). i've decided this week will be a guilt-free week. consciously. apparently the same thing doesn't happen to daddies. Thank goodness i married the epitome of zen or i'll be in the looney bin soon enough for having numerous debates with myself every day. hubby takes things slow and easy with a calm smile. even if maevie's screaming with gusto and breaking the cot down in anger. hopefully some of that zen-ness rubs off me soon.

splash splash splash!

we brought maeve swimming at lawrence's and kian's house on friday, after bible study. it was really great fun as maeve took to the water, like a little mermaid! it is fascinating how babies know how to swim automatically, and apparently, lose that skill after they turn one. i held on to the little one and she kicked her way from end to end nonchalently, like she's been doing it for ages! will try to bring her again, hopefully on a regular basis. now, off to find the perfect swimwear for her as the one i bought rides up. not very modest for a girl.

maeve's baptism

25th march 2007. maeve gets a sprinkling of water on her head. fun for her and ultimately more for us than for her. although there are huge theological debates about whether one should baptise an infant, after all, they don't understand a thing, but bern and i feel it is more of a dedication and affirmation on the part of the parents, to publically declare that they will bring their child up to be Christ-centred and to love God, and to be accountable to the church in that committment. hence, maeve's baptism. we hope that when she grows up, she will once again, take that step of faith and reaffirm that decision that was made for her as a baby.

perth

perth is a beautiful place...we think....we didn't get to spend much time taking in the sights and sounds as most of our time was spent in the house/apartment depending on when maeve wakes. even so, we did walk along the river, the beach, we did some window shopping, and maeve was of course an instant celebrity. all the little old women wanted to carry and cuddle her! which is fine by me, gives my poor ol arms a break! what was really good though was bernard and i managed to have some couple time, snuggling to watch aussie TV while maeve slept, chatting while we strolled along the beach. and that was what perth was really about.

maevie vs mommy. round 1!

i believe 6 month old babies have wills of their own. they are not placcid nor blur and in fact, highly intelligent and evolved at this stage. i can see it my my bub's eyes. that fiery look that says "aah...if i scream at this decibel, mom will come running. if i keep at it long enough, mom will whip out the boob". it is all a baby conspiracy really. bernard came to that conclusion yesterday too when she stopped her shannanigans to listen to bern blow-drying his hair. when he was done, she started up again. of course, bedraggled mommy had it and left the room, turning the TV volume up and left daddy to tend to her. i should do it every night as maevie fell asleep after 30 mins of crying. with me, no way, it goes on forever! maybe i should start part-time work. it may give me my sanity back, some social interaction, some time away from the house and i would appreciate and miss maeve so much more. might be good for both of us.

throw away those baby books!

i've broken every cardinal rule in any baby book. i've nursed maeve to sleep EVERY TIME she wakes, brought her into my bed, rocked her...i guess i'll suffer the consequences of accidental parenting later. but right now, as Janice says, do what flight attendants tell you: tend to yourself first then tend to the child. and i must do whatever it takes to get some sleep. let's hope she doesn't act up so much when we take her to perth or i'll have a lot of apologising to do.

sleepless in simei

it is 12.45am and maeve has been crying for almost 2 hrs.i cried along with her the last half hour before deciding to leave the room and type and prevent myself from going ballistic or mental or both. bernard upped and left for the guest room long ago. i don't begrudge him as he needs to work and had a really tiring day, but i do wish i had a spare husband. one to work and another to take turns comforting the baby with me.i'm opposed to letting her cry it out, but after patting non stop, carrying and soothing, she still screamed and short of looking at her and shouting SHUT UP SHUT UP MOMMY"S GOING MENTAL, the only other option is to let her cry herself to sleep. interestingly though, when i burst into tears of frustration just now, it stopped her crying for a while, just to check out what on earth mommy is doing. HOWEVER, when i stopped sobbing, wiped my tears, she started up again. now, blessed silence, only because she's cried herself to sleep, which breaks my heart and makes me feel really guilty. what if she lands up in therapy for the rest of her adult life as a result? ahh...i pray tomorrow will be a better night and she'll outgrow this.

solids!

i decided to feed maeve solids yesterday. i hoped it would keep her full and asleep at night. she is so ready for it as she kept "helping" me feed her and protested angrily when we were done. of course, lots of it landed on her bib, rather than in her mouth but who's counting. verdict? she still woke several times a night. perhaps it is not to feed and she just needs comforting and a good cry before she goes back to bed, but now, i am taking the path of least resistance. i nurse and put her back to bed. it beats sitting by her cot and patting for an hour while she screams and hyperventilates. i know. i know. if she becomes obese and has an obsession with comfort food, it'll be totally and utterly my fault.

the sink is choked!

yikes! i've got a blocked duct from hell! its been 3 days and i still have a hard wedge that hurts to high heaven, especially when she nurses. have read every single website on blocked ducts and tried every solution to no avail. the latest is to stuff a hot, wet diaper into my shirt and the heat is supposed to help. i'm now wearing a hot wet diaper on my chest. i really hope no one comes by for a visit as it will be a sight to behold. dad was around just now and has been shooting me weird looks but accepts the antics of his crazy daughter. nothing surprises him anymore where i am concerned! i just hope it heals before tomorrow as i've got to go to school and i don't want my boob exploding in pain when the principal makes his address.i'm so tempted to give in and do the formula thing, but i keep telling myself, IT IS WORTH IT. those antibodies i'm giving her. IT IS WORTH IT. OOOOUUUCCCCHHHH!!!!

looking through the eyes of a child

maeve cannot concentrate on nursing these days as the world at large is much too exciting! she nurses for 2 seconds and scans the room with awe and wonder in her eyes, then nurses again, in order to scan the room...again. my adult mind says, but what's there to see? same ol boring room! but i guess the baby mind is thinking, wow! look at the curves of the lampshade! look at the way the light glows and casts shadows! i now understand what the God means by looking at life through the eyes of a child. we adults have lost the wonder that is God's creation and have failed to marvel at the simple things. today, i wondered at the sound of the broom sweeping leaves downstairs. i like the swish-swish sound it makes.

top five signs you've married the right man

1. He changes almost as many pooey diapers as you.
2. He semi-wakes and sits up in the middle of the night when you breastfeed so you don't feel lonely.
3. He thanks you all the time for giving up your job for the baby.
4. He reminds you you still look good even though you've got deep eye bags, a droopy tummy and flabby thighs...and not much hair left.
5. He wakes at 5 am to hold the crying baby and lets you sleep.

i married a wonderful specimen of the male race! they don't come any better than this!

happy-eat-my-ang-pow-new year!

for the first time, we reaped! usually, the money flow is outwards, and this year, it is a 2 way traffic! many gave ang pows to maeve who naturally, stuffed it into her mouth. eat yer money, tis good for ya! what was WONDERFUL this year was the compliments i received, first about being so slim after giving birth, next, about maevie being so gorgeous. i am floating, floating....best new year ever!there's nothing more affirming than being told your little darlin is the most gorgeous, this side of town..and having a baby as a visiting prop makes for good conversation. bern's relatives, who seldom talk to me (well, language barrier i guess) spent this year gravitating towards maeve and of course, including me in the attention. of course, most of them still speak to me in teochew and of course, i still nod politely and pretend i understand. here's a pic of maevie with her daddy.

new year's coming and i'm dead broke

my bank account has dropped to 3 digits!! gasp!! i suddenly feel really poor. alas! the consequence of not working..i miss being able to spend my own cash and not ask hhubby for money, but this is all worth it. i have to keep repeating the mantra. IT IS WORTH IT!! haven't bought anything new for a long while, but no reason too as i'm not working and live in Ts and shorts. but i did buy maevie new soft shoes! internet shopping is just simply addictive and buying maeve stuff, more addictive! the family is going to japan during the new year break and we lows will be all alone. boo! hoo! i guess it means time to just hang out at home and play with our little darling. i'm looking forward to having bern at home with me. it does get lonely and there is a limit to how much "look! we're hanging mummy's top! wow! check out the cornflakes" i can do without imploding.

being a stay home mom

i'm slowly beginning to like being a stay home mom. i think it coincides with maeve being more interactive, being such a sweetie in the day time, being full of adorable sound effects. it gets tough every night though as she's in this phase where she wants to practice her flipping skills at night and fill the room with weird and wonderful monsterly noises which usually preceeds heart wrenching crying. i'm so tempted to let her cry it out (and i did) for a short while, after which she held me so tightly, like i've abandoned her. i can't bring myself to do it again...which means i ended up patting her hours on end last night. but her giggles in the day more than makes up for the monster she is at night!

ouuuccch!!!

maeve had her 2nd jaby today and surprisingly, she only whimpered a little, very brave girl...but! the look of utter disappointment she shot me at being betrayed by her own mother (how could you who love me let them jab me??!!) was heartbreaking. we waited for a long while (very crowded)and the poor dear couldn't get to sleep. finally now sleeping sweetly in my sling.

all i want for christmas is my two front teeth

finally! the mystery is solved. maevie is teething! i felt hard ridges on her upper gums and did what mich advised..use teething gel. did so last night when she awoke crying and she only woke 3 times, 1 of which was to nurse. yay! i managed to have stretch of a few hours at last. i should bring maeve out more often but there's no where to go in simei, except eastpoint mall and i don't want her to be a shopping junkie. i wish there were wide open spaces (yah right!) where i can push a pram and view a mountain...i am so looking forward to going to perth. we can all take a well deseved break. bern's working his butt off and got a nose bleed yesterday. he still sleeps in the guest room coz he can't take the air con, but i hate it coz i've no one to snuggle up to.

just another day in paradize

today, i am officially part of the zombie clan. my lil one is probably teething. unfortunately, she manages to choose night, to exhibit this momentous milestone. once again, i wake every hour on the hour to offer my succulent finger for her to gnaw on. mind you, not just any finger. she has a preference for the third finger. i had a nightmare, that maeve flipped over and fell out of her crib. i think it is a sign that she has to graduate to the cot. maybe that might be better. put her in the cot...in the next room, and i can pretend i don't hear her crying at night. how i long for an uninterrupted night's sleep!

monster's ball

last night was nothing short of eventful. maeve refused to sleep, waking like clockwork every hour and practising her newly aquired monster sounds, so from the cot, she thumps her feet and growls...and of course, bursts into tears that flood the little pillow when mommy doesn't notice her. hence, i am beyond exhausted. motherhood doesn't entitle you to sick leave, down time, Me time, or the other perks that come with working. i can't believe i'm saying this, but i actually miss work. ooh!!! my pumpkin is trying to flip again!

maevie atta girl!

this was long long overdue...was supposed to start a blog when i got pregnant, miraculously..but the preggy hormones and all, and the sudden onset of shiny hair, perfect skin that i never had before...well, all too distracting. anyway, many many months down the road, lots of weeping, who said breastfeeding was painless??!!! and now, our darlin is 4 months and 3 weeks old! AND AND....she flipped today! twice! of course she tried again and again, but could not repeat the feat. left her panting and frustrated. i miss the old me...i miss watching plays, i miss the odd glass of wine, but i am at the apex of happiness. maeve is my life, my joy.