its been almost a year since the last post...and a year to finally getting a new laptop! the old one died almost after the last post and i never got round to buying one. the thing about being a stay home mum who works a little bit, is that there really isn't a need for electronic devices as life gets too busy to even take 40 winks, let alone go online. But...go online i must, as i didn't sleep last night due to an epiphany of sorts.
Flashback to one year ago.
Life started becoming normal again for us as a family and besides enjoying living life (and being thankful for the gift of life), we also had to make sure Maeve caught up with learning the stuff that 4 year olds needed to learn. We (okay, I) was pretty desperate to get life back to normalcy, where my little girl could be like any other little girl her age. What I forgot was that there is no such thing as "back to normalcy" as an experience such as ours does not allow us (and certainly not her) to go back to when things were what they were. She is a changed child, and we, have been irrevocably changed as a result. She is extremely mature (as all children who go through a traumatic experience tend to be) and this is both good and bad. Good because she doesn't sweat the small stuff and doesn't cry over spilt anything, bad, because she expects the same of her peers and doesn't understand why they do. And gets annoyed when they do. So, unfortunately, it has been a harrowing journey of trying to learn to behave like a normal child and be patient with others who are still, well, crying over spilt anything.
This year, I've also been trying to get into the swing of preparing her for primary one, that is, just getting her used to sitting down at a table to do worksheets, paying attention for a sustained period of time, basic skills needed for primary school. BUT i realise that I've educated her FOR the Singapore primary education system. I've not actually educated her in the true sense of the word! I've been working on the external, not the internal. Her first few years of life were spent discovering, piquing her intellectual curiosity, experimenting..basically, seeing learning as great fun. And like an anxious parent who worries about whether her child is ready for primary one, I've capitulated. I've started on the math drill, the worksheets and God help me, the spelling. And I've basically killed learning for her. Not obvious in a big way, that's why it took me so long to have an epiphany. No.I only re-evaluated as I realised that she has stopped asking me the sort of questions that speak of wonderment, that makes me stop in my tracks.
So with this new focus, I am going to stop all the drilling and focus on providing as much learning opportunity as possible so that she will once again, be fascinated, be intrigued, be brave, be adventurous. And I shall be less lazy and jump start my lesson planning. I must admit, much easier to get her to do this page, read that book, complete that writing.
A new friend I met recently, who also went through a horrendous journey with cancer, had taken stock of her life (and that of her family) and then took brave, bold strides contrarian to the typical Singaporean parent and I'm grateful to her for asking me, after such a journey, what have I done differently? The truth is, I've been too busy trying to go back to normal that I forgot to do things differently. Now I know that the entire experience would have been in vain if I just simply went back to normal. With a new lease of life, I need to help my children celebrate the wonder of life in all aspects, and not work towards blending in both socially or academically. I won't burn those assessment books, that would be too environmentally unfriendly, but i certainly can use them for craft work!
