Rainbows and faith

I realise that I've become somewhat obsessed with checking Maeve's temperature and it is pretty unhealthy. My little one is so irritated by my constant feeling of her forehead and using 3 different thermomters to check her every half hour! Her temperature today is 37.4, which explains my nerves. Although she is on GCSF which should raise her counts and hopefully prevent a fever, I am still paranoid. Last night, she had a bad night with bad dreams so kept tossing and turning. I interpreted it as pain, fever, discomfort and kept asking her if she was alright, which of course disturbed her and woke her up!

My little girl keeps reminding me that God is in control and she will NOT get a fever and that He sent her a rainbow on Tuesday as a promise. The problem is, I find it so hard to just have that faith and trust God the way she does. I also don't know how to explain to her that God also can choose to use doctors and medicine to heal her and make her well, which explains the battle we're having wit regards to her daily GCSF injections.

" i don't need it! God will make me well!"
"yes honey, but God wants to protect you WITH injections"
"He won't do that. He will protect me WITHOUT injections"
And so on...every hour.
I guess I'm asking the same questions as her. Why can't God just protect her without injections? or better, why can't God just heal her without chemo, which comes with a whole lot of side effects, which she gets?

I only hope that her faith doesn't waver (or mine for that matter) when God doesn't seem to be answering her prayers. The one thing that I rejoice in is that although her counts are even much lower now than it was when she had a fever the last time, she doesn't seem sick at all, not like the last session of chemo. So i guess God is sustaining her supernaturally, even though the results on paper shows she should be neutropaenic.And this small miracle is something I remind myself of. So now for courage as she faces her next injection, which is thankfully done by someone she likes.

Counts

Maeve's counts are extremely low today. I'm amazed she has energy to bounce around and dance still! She does look very pale though, and the worst part is, she has to take daily injections now. Thankfully, a friend is doing it, so I don't have to. Hopefully, it'll be drama free, although judging by her finger pricks, i doubt it. So pray she'll be brave.

Of pricks and such

Just came back from Maeve's routine finger prick cum check up. It is always traumatic. She talks herself into being brave, but when she sees the blood test room, she goes into hysterics. I have to force her little hand out to get pricked each time. Not a pretty sight. As she has to do another one on Friday, I'm thinking of how i can best prepare her for it without her going into a meltdown again. I understand that no one likes to be pricked, but is it possible to even get her to reach a stage of acceptance and to be brave? Anyone with suggestions, let me know. I've tried distraction, sweets, a prize afterwards, but all not working. If her counts go very low this friday, the doctor will order this drug called GCSF which is injected everyday, in the thigh or tummy to protect her, and gulp, I'll have to inject her! I've done those injections before during my fertility treatments and it really is no walk in the park, and i'm a fully grown adult with a high treshhold of pain. So pray she doesn't need it and we can spare her more pokes.

The Half Way Mark

We're home after chemo 2. It is the half way point in our lives for a variety of reasons. first, we're half way there for chemo, after this Maeve has 2 more chemo rounds and we're hopefully done. no relapse or anything. It is also the halfway mark for Paige as she turns 6 months. We (or rather, Maeve) just fed her her first spoon of brown rice cereal, and unlike her big sis, Paige lapped it up and wanted the entired bowl! She was real angry with me for restricting her to 10 spoonfuls.

I'm also a bundle of nerves as the last time Maeve developed a neutropaenic fever (due to excessively low blood counts) on a wed the week after we came home. Today is tuesday and I won't be able to relax till this crucial week passes without any hitch. According to the oncologist, the chance of her developing a fever is about 50% this time round. Her chemo regime is sort of like sending out the machine guns as her type of lymphoma is extremely agressive, hence the chance of fever, unlike other children on milder doses. In fact, each time she's in hospital, she's attached to 8 lines! 2 IV poles. it is a real circus trying to carry her AND 2 IV poles!

So pray for protection especially these few days when her counts drop, that the cancer cells die, but the good cells stay alive, and that no germs and bacteria will go near her.

Grace

"Discovered some sugar in Maeve's urine. So pray it goes away. One of the chemo medicines can cause diabetes. Tomorrow one more lumbar puncture. Pray that she will recover well from that. No vomiting etc."

"I am feeling tired. Pray for grace and strength."

"We will be home tomorrow evening. Her blood counts will start dropping today onwards and will be all time low in the next few days. Pray she will have no fever this time round. Thanks."

We baked a chocolate cake!

Port blockage

"Today port has a blockage, so they put some blood thinner to clear clot and hopefully can draw out the clot later. Pray that it works. Thanks."