video of maeve's brithday surprise

Almost there

Just one more day and we'll be home. I've learnt to be really kiasu this time and check and double check procedures with nurses and doctors, so that when Maeve's under sedation tomorrow for her lumbar puncture, they'll simultaneously do the injections, take blood and what-have-you. I realise that sparing the child the pain of pricks is not high on the agenda list of doctors as they'll do what they need to, when they need to and may not plan ahead, so as parents, we have to. I'm desperate to be home as 8 days in hospital is driving all of us crazy, especially when the toy library is not open during the long weekend. More importantly, Paige needs her family around and as she's now more aware of what's happening around her and recognising people and faces, she gets pretty fretful unless my helper shows her videos of Maeve, or we skype with her. Yesterday, Paige came for a visit and it broke our collective hearts seeing the 2 sisters cling on to each other, not wanting to separate. The nurses didn't allow her in the BMT area (Bone Marrow Transplant)where we were warded, in case of infection as the children doing bone marrow transplant cannot afford to have a single germ and children under the age of 12 are considered rather germy. So, we had to bring Maeve out to meet Paige in the MO's rest room...sort of like how prisoners have to go to a visitor room to meet their visitors! I tried to nurse her but she had clearly forgotten how to nurse after 1 week and just kept biting me. Of course, this week coincided with her sprouting her first tooth and she was eagerly trying out its sharpness on me! I don't know if this means she will get expressed milk from now on as I'm not sure I can risk her drawing blood if i continue to persist, which makes me very sad as there's nothing I love more than nursing a baby. Tomorrow we go home after a pretty long chemo round and this time, with the GCSF injection given earlier, I hope her counts go back up faster and there are less days where she is at risk. Now to think of a way to get her to lie down flat for 4 hrs after the puncture, as it has been almost impossible for the past few punctures. which 4 yr old is going to lie down for that long without throwing a fit. She can't even get up to pee or anything and has to use the bed pan if needed, but her little bum falls right in (adult sized), so really quite a challenge. Am going to have to convince her to wear diapers and do it in the diapers if it kills me!

Happy 4th birthday my sweetie pie!

Part 1 of Maeve's birthday was celebrated in hospital, and CCF did their best to make sure she had a wonderful time with games and cake and balloons. Part 2 was the surprise visit/performance by 2 former drama students who came as Aladdin and Jasmine, much to Maeve's delight, performing a song and dance thing for her. Part 3 will be a small thing with just the family when we get home as her counts will be real low, but she'll get her princess cake (thanks to the cake toppers from Aunty Mich)! She is truely blessed!

I Can do this!

That's Maeve's mantra so far. We've been talking a lot lately about having a positive attitude and about courage and what it means. So everytime before she has to do a procedure, she speaks out her words of courage to herself.
"will you be scared?"
"No! I CAN do this, it will not hurt me. I choose for it NOT to hurt."
"You know, crying is ok, its alright to cry darling."
"No! I choose to face and conquer my fear! Tell the nurse I'm ready now."

So far, she's done 3 finger pricks (more to come), one port insertion, one lumbar puncture. AND no tears at all! We've brought along a whole lot of prizes for her to unwrap after each prick or poke, which keeps her happy. I wish all the other kids in the ward have such an option, but most are foreigners, so won't have the luxury of bringing a whole lot of presents along for their child.

Maeve's positive attitude and almost adult-like manner of speaking has earned her the nickname of "the little adult" here at the ward! I eavesdropped on her conversation with a volunteer,
Maeve: I won't need to do finger pricks anymore after chemo 4.
VO : You may need to, just so that Prof Quah will know how you're doing. He's not God you know.
Maeve: I know he's not God. But God gave him wisdom surely.
Vo: ....yes....indeed....

So, contrary to my fears, my little one has not lost her faith and hope in God and I shall not too. I know He will carry us through.

Chemo round 3

We start chemo round 3 on Monday. It'll take us to Sunday, 7 days worth. Here we go again, packing the 2 hospital bags, pillows, a whole lot of food and drinks...I hate having to go AGAIN, but I tell myself, it'll be over soon, we're half way there. It is hard for various reasons, being in hospital means Maeve gets pricked and poked on a daily basis, and as she'll be on super-hydration (they run the drip very fast for her to pee the chemo out), it means she pees every 2 hrs or less throughout the day and night, which means, neither of us gets much sleep. AND unlike the other kids who are content to wear diapers at night, she refuses, and would rather get down to the potty. I swear I'm getting really GI Jane worthy muscles carrying her up and down! Being in the hospital means getting chemo, which is in essence, poison, into her system, and allowing this poison to kill off everything good and bad and then bracing myself the next week as the counts go down and she becomes immuno-compromised...and praying like mad, she doesn't get some infection or bacteria, which will land us in hospital, again.

So once again, faithful friends and family, pray for us. We are trusting God that the chemo is working, that even now, the cancer cells have all gone, even before this third round. Pray that she gets no side effects, that she'll have energy, and that she'll be brave for all the procedures. Pray also for protection for Paige and my helper, that they will be fine at home.

We've got dinner covered from Monday-Friday. Anyone wants to cook for Maeve for Saturday, let me know. thanks!

Thankfulness

There are many little blessings I can thank God for, even if sometimes, the day seems trying or the painful. I thank God that this round of fever was mild, it hit only 38.2 and then tapered off, due to the prayers of many that night. So even though we had to be in hospital and on antibiotics, it was more preventive than anything, and I didn't have to hold a barely lucid child in my arms, screaming at the nurses to do something about her burning up. I am also thankful that Paige has decided to say her first word, "ma-ma" when we came back from hospital, and also start to crawl (albeit backwards) in front of us. I thought that I'd miss all these milestones, but hey, God reserved them for us! I'm thankful that Maeve's chemo side effects have been managed well, due in part to her willingness to gargle with salt (she resisted at first, but now is quite the expert) to prevent mouth sores which is so common, her willingness to eat lots of fruit to prevent constipation, or even not complain much when she gets her bouts of diarhoea (she says its ok coz she's pooing the bad guys out!). I'm thankful that little things make my little girl happy, a princess plaster after a prick, a chocolate reward after a poke, a heartshaped bowl to make food more palatable (chemo makes tastbuds go awry so previously liked food suddenly tastes terribe), a doctor who watches her perform an entire song and claps robustly after. It doesn't take a lot to cheer her up.She's all ready for chemo 3, especially after we've been doing medical play pretend every day! she prepares the entire family, Paige included, for injections, port insertion, the lot. i guess she's almost conquered her fear.