As we start to think about having a second child, I've been reflecting upon what i'm glad i did, what i regret, what i'm not sure about. so here's the list:
The well-worth the effort
1. Breastfeeding for nearly 18 months. It was painful, tearful, downright bloody at times, but nonetheless very rewarding. Maeve is seldom sick and as for the supposed added intelligence, only time will tell. I figure, if God gave women breasts, I guess breastfeeding is meant to be THE BEST milk for our babies, no matter WHAT the formula companies say. However, one has to put up with very little/almost non-existent sleep for at least the 1st year. So not working full-time helped.
2. Pureeing all sorts of food and fruit for her weaning, rather than going the porridge path. (added to this is the star-buy, my freezer cubes, which goes from freezer to microwave to feeding!) Every single old lady, kept asking me if i was feeding her porridge, when she was about 6 months and tsk-ed tsk-ed at me for not doing so. I wanted her to have a varied diet, to accept all sorts of different tastes, such as mint leaves added to apple puree, coriander added to sweet potato. Today, I would say she's more adventurous in her eating than some of her peers, which of course, helps me heaps. i don't have to prepare special food for her when i go out! (see, self-preservation at work here!)
3. Teaching her to sign when she was 5 months. Between the ages of 5-12 months when speech was almost non-existent, or at least, incomprehensible, signing helped me meet her needs. she was more than capable of deciding what she wanted, and thank goodness for sign language, neither of us needed to be frustated.
4. Spending my money on lots of books rather than toys. We read about 3-5 books every night before bed and now that she's 2, she is able to "read" back. I'm still wondering if it is pure memory, or is she able to recognise some words. Either way, it suits me as she can now "read" to me instead!
5. Leaving my job. even though the 1st year was primarily feed, rock, bathe, change. repeat, i benefitted from watching her first flip, first smile, struggling to clean her when she pooped in the bath and vomited simultaneously, first attempt to kiss me..and so on...there's nothing like quantity time for a little one. the flip side is she is so close to me she refuses to let me out of her sight. even when i use the loo. When hubby and I went for bible study one friday night, she went home with my helper to an emtpy home and told my helper, "i'm going to cry" and proceeded to do so. when repeated questions of "where's my mummy?" drew negative responses or attempts at distractions, she looked at my helper, eyes brimming with tears, "i'm going to cry again".
As for the "i'm-not-sure"s,
1. a confinement nanny. I was adamant NOT to get one as i wanted to do everything on my own, to make the mistakes, learn. basically,to be like most mums elsewhere in the world. HOWEVER, i realise now that the result of trying to be super-mum is that i was severely exhausted and my health/body has never been the same again and i realise I'm more prone to chills now. with a 2 hr, sometimes less, breastfeeding schedule and a baby who cried when hot, cold, wet, dry, sad, bored, for no apparent reason at all, my sanity was close to going as well. What i really needed i guess was someone to take care of me while i took her of maeve. With a one month paternity leave, that solves it, but without, maybe hired help may be needed after all.
2. re-usable cloth diapers. of course, when i was pregnant, i had grandiose plans about saving the earth by not contributing to pollution with 6000 disposable diapers. well, i tried my bumwear diapers faithfully for a few months, but gave up (or rather succumbed) to the convenience of disposables. With a baby who would not sleep in the cot, but prefered my sling, washing diapers constantly was not high on the to-do list (although strangely i developed an obsession for washing clothes and crockery!). Now that i'm in the midst of toilet training, I'm pulling out the old bumwear again. I might try harder the next time round (especially since i have help now!)as frankly, it reusables save heaps of money.
3. co-sleeping. I'm mixed here. on one hand, it was very convenient and helpful to have a baby next to you when you are nursing on demand. i mean, just roll over, let her help herself and meanwhile, continue sleeping. I had her in the cot for 6 months and succumbed one exhausted night, when after nursing, i left her in my bed. which of course is the beginning of the end. after that, the smarty pants didn't want to be in her cot and frankly, we were too tired to care. it was a case of "deal with it when she's older". Now she IS older, she's still stuck between us, which, of course is NOT very convenient for cuddling up to your spouse! so we'll have to gradually move her to her big-girl bed. with huge protests probably.
4. not exposing her to chinese earlier. I'm trying very hard now to speak to her in mandarin. so far, we've managed to count, sing "san zhi lao hu" and say a few phrases. my MIL constantly laughs at it though as she sounds ang mo. she also ignores us when we attempt to speak in mandarin to her. so for number 2, we'll speak in mandarin from day one as the rest of the family will speak in english. How we'll do it is probably with lots of divine help. LOTS.
all in all, i'm ready to do it all again. including the sleepless nights. And the bleeding nipples. And being shat on. Just pray with us that God'll give us another little miracle.
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