me time

I realise how much my identity has been tied to that of being a mother that i've somehow lost a bit of me in the process. Tonight, i daringly went out for a play sans hubby sans bub and really enjoyed the whole stroll by myself to victoria theatre, actually watch a night performance rather than matinee, catch up with friends over drinks after the show thing. And for a while, i forgot about my mummy-tag. AND, i say this with guilt, i actually liked that i forgot about it. Even though i knew i was playing at the whole footloose fancy free thing, it was nice, if only for a fleeting moment. So when hubby summoned me home as bub refused to sleep unless i was beside her, i was VERY tempted to just say, i'm enjoying myself, YOU put her to bed and i'll see you past midnight. BUT! the guilt thing happened and of course i abandoned everyone and slunk home, slightly resentful, terribly guilty for enjoying myself...but heeding the call of motherhood. i wonder if fathers have such guilt feelings or is it just mothers who are wired that way. So there i was, having a wonderful conversation spanning greek history and performance theory to the latest developments in this or that (the sort of conversation i haven't had in a long time) and all the while, supressing the bleep sound in my head that I'm wanted and missed by my little one. Perhaps i should do a poll about this motherhood and guilt thing so i know i'm not the only one who constantly feels guilty for enjoying myself sans child.