..and hopefully forever! We ended chemo yesterday with her final lumbar puncture. It was a strange feeling, almost surreal. Bern had packed the bags and put everything in the car and the room was empty, except for us three. I had envisioned this day a thousand times and each time, i imagine us celebrating, dancing about, laughing, cheering and shouting, "no more chemo!". the reality was rather different though and what struck me was the sheer silence of it all. We didn't exit with a bang but a whimper, so to speak. The nurses were busy in other rooms, so no congratulations, Maeve was teary after the removal of her central IV line, and Bern and I were just exhausted. So we hardly spoke to each other, just got the job done, said a few goodbyes and carried our precious little girl home. I'm still adjusting to the fact that there is no more chemo to do, and am suddenly feeling quite lost, rather than jubilated. I think that's how Maeve feels too as she wasn't particularly enthusiastic about being at home this time round. I think it hasn't hit home yet for us. And of course there's the fear of fever and readmission. Today she had her GCSF jab which she wasn't too pleased about, but i reminded her that other children have to have 10 jabs instead of 1, so please stop fussing. 10 jabs cost $300 but her 1 jab is a slow release one (so it spares her multiple jabs) and costs a fortune. $900 to be exact. Someone is sure laughing their way to the bank!
Am monitoring her temperature zealously once again as today, its already 37.8. Her counts will start to drop now and probably will be at its lowest over this weekend (ie. almost nil immunity), so please join me in praying for her protection from any viruses, germs, bacteria that will land her in hospital again. I don't know whether i should pack the hospital bag again (for practical reasons) or unpack everything and trust that she won't go back again. Some call this faith, others call it foolhardiness. So if anyone has a word from God about this, do tell.
As for my other little darling, she has decided to stand (at 7 months!) and hence even the cot isn't particularly safe anymore as she is trying to figure out how to climb out. We're trying to get her to practice her crawling but she'd rather practice walking. i guess some children just skip the whole crawling business altogether! She's overjoyed we're home and has been giggling and cackling the entire day, which is lovely. She still can't nurse so its still pumping full time for me. She has clearly forgotten as whenever I try to nurse her, she just sort of holds my breast like its some interesting artifact. she pokes a bit, prods a bit and takes a bit of a nibble! ah well, i guess i just have to leave it.
No comments:
Post a Comment