my ragdoll

when one falls ill, one feels a tad irritated, perhaps with bits of self-pity thrown in. when a spouse falls ill, you feel helpless and a little sad. When your child falls ill, your heart just breaks into a million pieces. because you can't make her feel better. because you can't take the fever away. because all the kisses and squeezes won't put a smile on her face. because she looks like a little rag doll in your arms with the life gone out of her eyes. maeve ran a fever of 39.5 and i just freaked out, carrying my little rag doll to the nearest clinic at 10pm. thank God for late night clinics. thank God for Brufen. Panadol doesn't work over 39 degrees. fever broke at 2am and my pumpkin was a brand new baby, all smiles and claps and babbles. although it was 2 am, both bern and i sat up to entertain her. we were so glad to have our little imp back!

How many incy-wincy spiders does it take...

..from home to grandma's? 6. from home to ah ma's? about 20, and 10 skimmer-re-rinky's, 11 i-hear-thunders and lots of star biscuits and countless games of peek-a-boo. now our car journeys are calculated that way, so no trips to the zoo yet, until mommmy masters more nursery rhymes. peek-a-boos are great for the journey, especially when maevie is in charge of the "a-boo" bit with her hat. of course when all else fails and she is way way bored, turn on the radio loud and try not to hear the screaming. for now, short trips around home are good. we'll train her in due time to venture further.

am i bootiful?

bumped into an old friend yesterday...and she was gorgeous! as in ravishingly gorgeous! and all of a sudden, feelings of insecurity came smacking at my door. the thing is, i'm so thick-skinned and blase about looks usually (as in i don't even know how to use eye-liner or mascara without doing serious injury to myself) it actually came as a surprise that i would feel, well, not so good. i guess it is because we're the same age, but she had toned arms, no tummy, silky hair and an angel's smile. In comparison, i looked like something the cat dragged in, with tangled curly hair destroyed by the drizzle, and enough tummy fats for maeve to trampoline on. and that is why it is good to marry someone myopic (literally). he thinks i'm gorgeous still...he may be lying through his teeth, no matter. that's all that the shallow me wanted to hear last night!

Miss Hardworking

a couple of nights ago, we were woken at 2am by a jill-in-the-box who popped up from bed and started practising her clapping. so in the dead of the night, clap-clap-clap-clap, ba-ba-ba-ba, cough-cough, louder cough-cough, finally a smack in the face as jill-in-the-box falls on my face in an attempt to wake me. funny how babies conscientiously and judiciously practise new skills at all hours..and adults don't. i can't imagine waking at 2am to practise some new yoga move. her whole recital (including fancy backward moves) lasted one hour after which she flopped forward and fell asleep.thankfully her daddy is on holiday or else he probably won't find it too amusing!

Learning Leaps

my little pumpkin has recently learnt to wave bye-bye. at all animate and inanimate. so, bye-bye to grandpa and grandma, bye-bye to the tree, bye-bye to the rubbish bin. she even waves when she is sleepy and yawning! and lest you think you are extra special when she waves at you, your ego comes crashing down when she waves at EVERYONE in the shopping centre and gives her cheeky smile and wink. oh yes, she winks. God alone knows what other flirty gestures she'll be up to when she's older! and now that maeve is older and easier to manage, it is time to think about job possibilities. i know i have to really pray about this before making big decisions. its funny how it took me a year to pray and seek God before i took a year's no-pay leave, but takes me seconds to decide to return to work, even if just part-time. maybe, it is the need for adult conversation, maybe it is the need to feel i still can contribute economically, maybe it is so that i won't be forgotten in the "outside world". i am filled with envy everytime bernard brings home stories from work and i so long to be a part of that life of his out of the house. i've even desperately suggested inviting his colleagues over for dinner...but...he ain't havin any of it. ah well. will think of something else. desperately need to have a party. the party animal in me dressed in housewifedom is dying to get out.

Motherhood and guilt

when one becomes a mother, one signs on the dotted line for a lifetime of guilt. Guilt when you don't pick up the little screaming bundle..so she learns to wait, guilt when you DO pick her up...then you negate your training. Guilt when you drop the precious bundle at the granparents', guilt when you have absolutely no idea why she's crying (aren't mums supposed to be cued in??). i've decided this week will be a guilt-free week. consciously. apparently the same thing doesn't happen to daddies. Thank goodness i married the epitome of zen or i'll be in the looney bin soon enough for having numerous debates with myself every day. hubby takes things slow and easy with a calm smile. even if maevie's screaming with gusto and breaking the cot down in anger. hopefully some of that zen-ness rubs off me soon.

splash splash splash!

we brought maeve swimming at lawrence's and kian's house on friday, after bible study. it was really great fun as maeve took to the water, like a little mermaid! it is fascinating how babies know how to swim automatically, and apparently, lose that skill after they turn one. i held on to the little one and she kicked her way from end to end nonchalently, like she's been doing it for ages! will try to bring her again, hopefully on a regular basis. now, off to find the perfect swimwear for her as the one i bought rides up. not very modest for a girl.