A casual remark to a friend that the little one is looking forward to receiving presents from Santa this Christmas earned me THE LOOK. Of course, THE LOOK is often nuanced and heavy in subtext, which in summary would say something like "You're teaching her about Santa?? you're a christian!!" I guess this is where hubby and I differ from half the christian population, and on purpose. On purpose because we actually had a deep discussion before we decided that she should be acquainted with Santa, flying reindeer, the tooth fairy, the unicorn, brownies, pixies and other such creatures. As a christian, it is easy to get caught up in the legalities of what you should teach one's child and what you shouldn't. In fact, as a young adult, I even wrote and directed a musical about the true meaning of Christmas where poor Santa got ostracised after the world understood what christmas meant. In fact, I was so righteous about it I got upset that shopping centres depicted Santas and other seemingly unrelated creatures. As I grew older, I've become less legalistic, more measured and I've learnt to see the positive in Santas. As I teach Maeve about baby Jesus and how God loves us so much He sent us His Son, I also allow her to be excited about getting presents from Santa. The St Nicholas story, is also an important one and depending on how one pitches it to their child, can be a wonderful lesson in love and giving.
The magical stories of Santa for me, fall in the category of fairy tales of wonder and adventure that the little one should know about. Without being able to imagine Santa in North Pole, the tooth fairy exchanging good quality baby teeth for tokens, magical fairies hiding in gardens, riding on a magic carpet, being a genie that can grant wishes, what would childhood be like? For us, there is no need to introduce too many realist concepts at this age, the world and gradual age will do it. Eventually, she'll be a appropriately cynical pre-teen and this world will disappear naturally.
I guess I believe sincerely that the ability to dream, to make-believe, to wonder, is the gift of childhood (that hopefully won't be killed by pragmatism). I remember wishing really hard when i was young (and even for a while believing) that I could climb up the magic far-away tree (enid Blyton)and do all the wonderful things like eat sweets that grow in your mouth.Sis and I will make a pact to meet each other "up the tree" and for a golden age, we did.
So while she thoughtfully chooses a gift to give baby Jesus for His birthday, she'll also get a gift under the tree from Santa on Christmas day. But first, she must remember to put out the milk and cookies for him!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Fav phrases of a 2 year old
If i had a dollar for each time these phrases are used, i can buy myself a spa package!
1. I can do it myself.
2. Don't help me.
3. Don't teach me.
4. Don't show me how.
5. I don't want to eat/drink/go out/come in/bathe/brush teeth/wear the ugly dress...
6. Mummy, say sorry to me. APOLOGISE!
7. Mummy, you are a naughty mummy. Stand in the corner! (when she doesn't get her way with me)
While this all sounds pretty negative, i think it comes with the territory of a 2 year old exercising self-will. It is really tempting to DO THE JOB AT HAND for her, such as wearing her shoes as it takes such a long time of repeated attempts and errors, but i have to always remind myself that by NOT DOING, I'm allowing her to learn independence, patience, perseverence, tenacity.So our household spends our time NOT DOING a lot of things, which leads to lots of spills, spagetti-smeared face, clothes worn the wrong way. But! she also learns to self-feed, drink from a cup without spilling too much, mop up after she's spilled, bring soiled clothes to the laundry basket, and be a really good helper at home.
There's also the positive expressions and they mainly consist of
1. Mummy, you're my sweetiheart!
2. Good job mummy!
3. That's well done mummy dar-ning!
I hope I still hear such phrases of affirmation when she goes into her turbulent teenage years!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Feminism re-defined
We've been reading a wide array of fairy tales of late. Little mermaid, 101 dalmations, beauty and the beast...and the one thing they have in common? they all get married at the end (not too disimilar to channel8 drama serials i must say!). all the ladies (including female dogs) to some handsome prince. The feminist in me protests the propagating of such nonsense (and on that note, let me go look for Mulan and Joan of Arc in fairy-tale form), but currently, my litttle princess wannabe is hooked.
princess: mummy, i want to get married.
mummy: (hides look of shocked horror and says in calm, saccharine voice) sure! who do you want to marry?
Princess: (deep in thought, then resolutely)Samuel kor kor.
mummy: um...ok. but i think you need to..
princess: (interrupts)..ask permission? ok.
Mummy makes a mental note to change reading diet. yes, Pochahontas will do it. she DOESN't marry john smith, but vows to build a path of peace, for all visiting ang mohs, show them the "colours of the wind" and stuff like that.
the next day. in church.
As promised, mummy brings the princess to her potential mother-in-law.
princess: (looks seriously at MW, who concerned, bends down to hear her)Can i marry Samuel kor-kor?
MW: ????
To her credit, my dear friend, MW, carries the little one to "propose" to Samuel kor-kor, who by this time, is trying his best to evaporate. You see, the 5 year old DOES understand what "getting married" means, while his 2 year old suitor believes (i think) it means being able to wear a pretty white dress.
Ah well, at least she's got some of the ol girl in her. she didn't quite wait for the prince to look for her. she took charge. All the bra-burners would have been proud.
princess: mummy, i want to get married.
mummy: (hides look of shocked horror and says in calm, saccharine voice) sure! who do you want to marry?
Princess: (deep in thought, then resolutely)Samuel kor kor.
mummy: um...ok. but i think you need to..
princess: (interrupts)..ask permission? ok.
Mummy makes a mental note to change reading diet. yes, Pochahontas will do it. she DOESN't marry john smith, but vows to build a path of peace, for all visiting ang mohs, show them the "colours of the wind" and stuff like that.
the next day. in church.
As promised, mummy brings the princess to her potential mother-in-law.
princess: (looks seriously at MW, who concerned, bends down to hear her)Can i marry Samuel kor-kor?
MW: ????
To her credit, my dear friend, MW, carries the little one to "propose" to Samuel kor-kor, who by this time, is trying his best to evaporate. You see, the 5 year old DOES understand what "getting married" means, while his 2 year old suitor believes (i think) it means being able to wear a pretty white dress.
Ah well, at least she's got some of the ol girl in her. she didn't quite wait for the prince to look for her. she took charge. All the bra-burners would have been proud.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Toilet training and exhibitionism
Most parents having gone through the whole toilet training thing probably would have experienced this to some extent: their little one turns flasher. well, at least mine is one, still is...and i'm hoping she'll stop before she gets of arrested for indecent exposure, although being exposed to underpants with strawberry shortcake grinning at you may not be too indecent after all!
anyhow, the smug one, as i should call her now, has been extremely proud of her toileting achievements. When she does a pee in the potty, she announces loudly, "everybody clap!". we dutifully ooh and ahh. when its a poo, you'd better make sure the applause is nothing short of thunderous. so now she's showing off the little underpants to all and sundry. day 1, the 3 little boys next door got flashed at when they passed our gate and called out to her. their mum was suitably horrified...while my smug one grinned with pride. day 2 had her flashing at the grandparents, in public no less. So while i want to share her achievements (especially since technically, i didn't toilet train her, she did it herself by declaring suddenly, "i don't want diapers" and flatly refused to wear it anymore.)and celebrate each milestone, i need to also gently introduce the concept of public and private, which is an irritating concept to her. While keep successes private? shout it from the mountaintops man! so if you get flashed at by a certain 2 year old, please ohh and ahh accordingly with thunderous applause ok? For now. Till further notice.
anyhow, the smug one, as i should call her now, has been extremely proud of her toileting achievements. When she does a pee in the potty, she announces loudly, "everybody clap!". we dutifully ooh and ahh. when its a poo, you'd better make sure the applause is nothing short of thunderous. so now she's showing off the little underpants to all and sundry. day 1, the 3 little boys next door got flashed at when they passed our gate and called out to her. their mum was suitably horrified...while my smug one grinned with pride. day 2 had her flashing at the grandparents, in public no less. So while i want to share her achievements (especially since technically, i didn't toilet train her, she did it herself by declaring suddenly, "i don't want diapers" and flatly refused to wear it anymore.)and celebrate each milestone, i need to also gently introduce the concept of public and private, which is an irritating concept to her. While keep successes private? shout it from the mountaintops man! so if you get flashed at by a certain 2 year old, please ohh and ahh accordingly with thunderous applause ok? For now. Till further notice.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Gallop Stables on children's day
it was a beautiful, cool wed morning. perfect weather to go outdoors and outdoors we did! We spent the day at the Gallop Stables in Pasir Ris (its at Carpark C, smack between white sands and some other mall, elias?) where the little one very merrily fed the miniature horses with horse food (which we told her was carrots and brocolli to make the little horses grow-therefore-you-must-eat-your veges!). It says the activity was suitable for those above 7, but frankly, who above 7 would be so interested in feeding little horses?
the other attractive activity was pony riding which unfortunately, would not suit her till she's a bit older and able to hold on to the reigns without letting go. hopefully, that'll happen in a few months. it costs $10, which is well worth it seeing the faces of the children light up in sheer delight! What's also nice is it has an attached cafe which overlooks the pony riding track. this cafe also has 3 swings, which was very popular with maeve (she had to sit in each one in turn). after that was a little walk along the swamp where we could hear the sounds of gurgling water close by and little insects chatting with each other. a real good teaching experience as well, as we talked about still water, running water, what causes swamps to happen etc.will definitely make it a fortnightly place to visit.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
reflections on motherhood
As we start to think about having a second child, I've been reflecting upon what i'm glad i did, what i regret, what i'm not sure about. so here's the list:
The well-worth the effort
1. Breastfeeding for nearly 18 months. It was painful, tearful, downright bloody at times, but nonetheless very rewarding. Maeve is seldom sick and as for the supposed added intelligence, only time will tell. I figure, if God gave women breasts, I guess breastfeeding is meant to be THE BEST milk for our babies, no matter WHAT the formula companies say. However, one has to put up with very little/almost non-existent sleep for at least the 1st year. So not working full-time helped.
2. Pureeing all sorts of food and fruit for her weaning, rather than going the porridge path. (added to this is the star-buy, my freezer cubes, which goes from freezer to microwave to feeding!) Every single old lady, kept asking me if i was feeding her porridge, when she was about 6 months and tsk-ed tsk-ed at me for not doing so. I wanted her to have a varied diet, to accept all sorts of different tastes, such as mint leaves added to apple puree, coriander added to sweet potato. Today, I would say she's more adventurous in her eating than some of her peers, which of course, helps me heaps. i don't have to prepare special food for her when i go out! (see, self-preservation at work here!)
3. Teaching her to sign when she was 5 months. Between the ages of 5-12 months when speech was almost non-existent, or at least, incomprehensible, signing helped me meet her needs. she was more than capable of deciding what she wanted, and thank goodness for sign language, neither of us needed to be frustated.
4. Spending my money on lots of books rather than toys. We read about 3-5 books every night before bed and now that she's 2, she is able to "read" back. I'm still wondering if it is pure memory, or is she able to recognise some words. Either way, it suits me as she can now "read" to me instead!
5. Leaving my job. even though the 1st year was primarily feed, rock, bathe, change. repeat, i benefitted from watching her first flip, first smile, struggling to clean her when she pooped in the bath and vomited simultaneously, first attempt to kiss me..and so on...there's nothing like quantity time for a little one. the flip side is she is so close to me she refuses to let me out of her sight. even when i use the loo. When hubby and I went for bible study one friday night, she went home with my helper to an emtpy home and told my helper, "i'm going to cry" and proceeded to do so. when repeated questions of "where's my mummy?" drew negative responses or attempts at distractions, she looked at my helper, eyes brimming with tears, "i'm going to cry again".
As for the "i'm-not-sure"s,
1. a confinement nanny. I was adamant NOT to get one as i wanted to do everything on my own, to make the mistakes, learn. basically,to be like most mums elsewhere in the world. HOWEVER, i realise now that the result of trying to be super-mum is that i was severely exhausted and my health/body has never been the same again and i realise I'm more prone to chills now. with a 2 hr, sometimes less, breastfeeding schedule and a baby who cried when hot, cold, wet, dry, sad, bored, for no apparent reason at all, my sanity was close to going as well. What i really needed i guess was someone to take care of me while i took her of maeve. With a one month paternity leave, that solves it, but without, maybe hired help may be needed after all.
2. re-usable cloth diapers. of course, when i was pregnant, i had grandiose plans about saving the earth by not contributing to pollution with 6000 disposable diapers. well, i tried my bumwear diapers faithfully for a few months, but gave up (or rather succumbed) to the convenience of disposables. With a baby who would not sleep in the cot, but prefered my sling, washing diapers constantly was not high on the to-do list (although strangely i developed an obsession for washing clothes and crockery!). Now that i'm in the midst of toilet training, I'm pulling out the old bumwear again. I might try harder the next time round (especially since i have help now!)as frankly, it reusables save heaps of money.
3. co-sleeping. I'm mixed here. on one hand, it was very convenient and helpful to have a baby next to you when you are nursing on demand. i mean, just roll over, let her help herself and meanwhile, continue sleeping. I had her in the cot for 6 months and succumbed one exhausted night, when after nursing, i left her in my bed. which of course is the beginning of the end. after that, the smarty pants didn't want to be in her cot and frankly, we were too tired to care. it was a case of "deal with it when she's older". Now she IS older, she's still stuck between us, which, of course is NOT very convenient for cuddling up to your spouse! so we'll have to gradually move her to her big-girl bed. with huge protests probably.
4. not exposing her to chinese earlier. I'm trying very hard now to speak to her in mandarin. so far, we've managed to count, sing "san zhi lao hu" and say a few phrases. my MIL constantly laughs at it though as she sounds ang mo. she also ignores us when we attempt to speak in mandarin to her. so for number 2, we'll speak in mandarin from day one as the rest of the family will speak in english. How we'll do it is probably with lots of divine help. LOTS.
all in all, i'm ready to do it all again. including the sleepless nights. And the bleeding nipples. And being shat on. Just pray with us that God'll give us another little miracle.
The well-worth the effort
1. Breastfeeding for nearly 18 months. It was painful, tearful, downright bloody at times, but nonetheless very rewarding. Maeve is seldom sick and as for the supposed added intelligence, only time will tell. I figure, if God gave women breasts, I guess breastfeeding is meant to be THE BEST milk for our babies, no matter WHAT the formula companies say. However, one has to put up with very little/almost non-existent sleep for at least the 1st year. So not working full-time helped.
2. Pureeing all sorts of food and fruit for her weaning, rather than going the porridge path. (added to this is the star-buy, my freezer cubes, which goes from freezer to microwave to feeding!) Every single old lady, kept asking me if i was feeding her porridge, when she was about 6 months and tsk-ed tsk-ed at me for not doing so. I wanted her to have a varied diet, to accept all sorts of different tastes, such as mint leaves added to apple puree, coriander added to sweet potato. Today, I would say she's more adventurous in her eating than some of her peers, which of course, helps me heaps. i don't have to prepare special food for her when i go out! (see, self-preservation at work here!)
3. Teaching her to sign when she was 5 months. Between the ages of 5-12 months when speech was almost non-existent, or at least, incomprehensible, signing helped me meet her needs. she was more than capable of deciding what she wanted, and thank goodness for sign language, neither of us needed to be frustated.
4. Spending my money on lots of books rather than toys. We read about 3-5 books every night before bed and now that she's 2, she is able to "read" back. I'm still wondering if it is pure memory, or is she able to recognise some words. Either way, it suits me as she can now "read" to me instead!
5. Leaving my job. even though the 1st year was primarily feed, rock, bathe, change. repeat, i benefitted from watching her first flip, first smile, struggling to clean her when she pooped in the bath and vomited simultaneously, first attempt to kiss me..and so on...there's nothing like quantity time for a little one. the flip side is she is so close to me she refuses to let me out of her sight. even when i use the loo. When hubby and I went for bible study one friday night, she went home with my helper to an emtpy home and told my helper, "i'm going to cry" and proceeded to do so. when repeated questions of "where's my mummy?" drew negative responses or attempts at distractions, she looked at my helper, eyes brimming with tears, "i'm going to cry again".
As for the "i'm-not-sure"s,
1. a confinement nanny. I was adamant NOT to get one as i wanted to do everything on my own, to make the mistakes, learn. basically,to be like most mums elsewhere in the world. HOWEVER, i realise now that the result of trying to be super-mum is that i was severely exhausted and my health/body has never been the same again and i realise I'm more prone to chills now. with a 2 hr, sometimes less, breastfeeding schedule and a baby who cried when hot, cold, wet, dry, sad, bored, for no apparent reason at all, my sanity was close to going as well. What i really needed i guess was someone to take care of me while i took her of maeve. With a one month paternity leave, that solves it, but without, maybe hired help may be needed after all.
2. re-usable cloth diapers. of course, when i was pregnant, i had grandiose plans about saving the earth by not contributing to pollution with 6000 disposable diapers. well, i tried my bumwear diapers faithfully for a few months, but gave up (or rather succumbed) to the convenience of disposables. With a baby who would not sleep in the cot, but prefered my sling, washing diapers constantly was not high on the to-do list (although strangely i developed an obsession for washing clothes and crockery!). Now that i'm in the midst of toilet training, I'm pulling out the old bumwear again. I might try harder the next time round (especially since i have help now!)as frankly, it reusables save heaps of money.
3. co-sleeping. I'm mixed here. on one hand, it was very convenient and helpful to have a baby next to you when you are nursing on demand. i mean, just roll over, let her help herself and meanwhile, continue sleeping. I had her in the cot for 6 months and succumbed one exhausted night, when after nursing, i left her in my bed. which of course is the beginning of the end. after that, the smarty pants didn't want to be in her cot and frankly, we were too tired to care. it was a case of "deal with it when she's older". Now she IS older, she's still stuck between us, which, of course is NOT very convenient for cuddling up to your spouse! so we'll have to gradually move her to her big-girl bed. with huge protests probably.
4. not exposing her to chinese earlier. I'm trying very hard now to speak to her in mandarin. so far, we've managed to count, sing "san zhi lao hu" and say a few phrases. my MIL constantly laughs at it though as she sounds ang mo. she also ignores us when we attempt to speak in mandarin to her. so for number 2, we'll speak in mandarin from day one as the rest of the family will speak in english. How we'll do it is probably with lots of divine help. LOTS.
all in all, i'm ready to do it all again. including the sleepless nights. And the bleeding nipples. And being shat on. Just pray with us that God'll give us another little miracle.
Friday, September 26, 2008
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