Toddler Anger Management

I've spent the past few days having self-talks entitled "what is reasonable toddler anger". Given my current state of being stuck at home, I can't venture out to do street interviews, which would probably unearth quite a few gems. My little almost 3 year old has been having, let's just say, bad days. I'm not sure if its developmental (and hence will pass eventually), or reactionary (since i haven't been able to carry her or chase her or play hide and seek etc)or just plain naughtiness. The thing is, when you put a nauseated hormonal pregnant woman together with a toddler who has decided on a new behavioural pattern, mainly, "I don't want!!" complete with stamping feet, pumping fists, war is inevitable. Our mornings start this way of late with "i donb't want to shower/brush my teeth/have breakfast/go to school". Ordinarily, i'll hoist her and physically move her to where she should be, but given my "do-not-carry-heavy-things" command by the doctor, i can only watch and steam as the petulant one does a sit-in protest. When I'm not puking my guts out, I'll do the firm mama and issue the "i-do-not-want-to-repeat-myself-again-or-you're-in'serious-trouble" at which time usually there will be all out screaming and crying, sending the neighbour rushing in in the "is maeve alright-are you abusing her?" mode. I literally have to bite my tongue hard to prevent myself from joining in the scream fest. Part of my brain somewhere says that anger is healthy and verbal anger should be encouraged so that physical anger is not resorted to. After all, all of us are entitled to feelings of anger/frustration/irritability, so would it be fair of me to curtail a toddler's? I've been letting her vent so far till she's tired of crying/screaming, then we go do something nice together, but this is really turning me ragged. Even my parents agree I look like road kill. 3 day old road kill.

so hence my dilemma over this anger thing. is it healthy? Is there any other way i can teach her to express said anger? Should it be nipped straight away? This is really a post-modern parental concern, which is probably laughable to most of our parents. Just buy a cane lah, is the common response. But hubby and i have strong views about the cane, mainly, that it simply leads to fear and submission that is not internalised, but externalised, which in turn leads to passive-aggresive behaviour when they are older, which is dangerous. Forgive me if this is a bit of a psycho-babble, we're both teachers and have seen enough of later forms of destructive, hidden anger.so back to 3 year old anger. right now, i'm still having my internal debates and am praying that once this bed rest thing is over, my playing and running around with her, carrying and wrestling, will bring back my sweet and lovable child. She's in there somewhere, i know it.