welcome to the circus

Here, at the circus, the main clown performs all sorts and manner of juggling.
One-handed diaper change and simultaneous pulling on of nursery school uniform? check.
Nursing and story-book reading complete with animated voice and action? check.
Rocking and comforting shrieking infant and disciplining tantrum-throwing shrieking pre-schooler? check.

Which leaves main clown very exhausted and ready to fly off on Dumbo's back.

I think I was way over-confident in my first month as a mum-of-2 as Paige was still at the feed and sleep stage. very little crying if at all. HOWEVER, now that she is 7 weeks old and developing her own personality, she needs more attention (I'll shout 3 times, if you don't come, I'll burst into tears) and her big sis is starting to feel the heat of less than 100% attention, which means more smart alecky remarks, challenges, defiance (this morning was "mummy, why don't you cane me for being rude? I'd like to try it")and outright naughtiness. Of course, my little one will always sob and apologise and vow NEVER EVER to do it again, but we know, NEVER take the promises of preschoolers too seriously or you'll be in for a whole year of disappointment.

A few days ago, I really wanted to throw in the towel and return to full-time work. Let someone else handle the kids for the whole day, so that i can just enjoy them when i come home from work. I went out for groceries at night so that i could take a ME-break and seriously contemplated the lure of going back to work. I'll have colleagues, a social life, tea breaks without having to say "please don't use your feet to hold the bread" or similar, lots of money and hence guilt-free spending and yes, fulfilment where work done actually can be accounted for and appraised. However, after much discussion with God, I guess my place is still at home. So now i'm off to pick up the big sis from nursery school and hopefully elicit a big hug and kiss which would make up for all the negativity I've been feeling of late.