We've been reading a wide array of fairy tales of late. Little mermaid, 101 dalmations, beauty and the beast...and the one thing they have in common? they all get married at the end (not too disimilar to channel8 drama serials i must say!). all the ladies (including female dogs) to some handsome prince. The feminist in me protests the propagating of such nonsense (and on that note, let me go look for Mulan and Joan of Arc in fairy-tale form), but currently, my litttle princess wannabe is hooked.
princess: mummy, i want to get married.
mummy: (hides look of shocked horror and says in calm, saccharine voice) sure! who do you want to marry?
Princess: (deep in thought, then resolutely)Samuel kor kor.
mummy: um...ok. but i think you need to..
princess: (interrupts)..ask permission? ok.
Mummy makes a mental note to change reading diet. yes, Pochahontas will do it. she DOESN't marry john smith, but vows to build a path of peace, for all visiting ang mohs, show them the "colours of the wind" and stuff like that.
the next day. in church.
As promised, mummy brings the princess to her potential mother-in-law.
princess: (looks seriously at MW, who concerned, bends down to hear her)Can i marry Samuel kor-kor?
MW: ????
To her credit, my dear friend, MW, carries the little one to "propose" to Samuel kor-kor, who by this time, is trying his best to evaporate. You see, the 5 year old DOES understand what "getting married" means, while his 2 year old suitor believes (i think) it means being able to wear a pretty white dress.
Ah well, at least she's got some of the ol girl in her. she didn't quite wait for the prince to look for her. she took charge. All the bra-burners would have been proud.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Toilet training and exhibitionism
Most parents having gone through the whole toilet training thing probably would have experienced this to some extent: their little one turns flasher. well, at least mine is one, still is...and i'm hoping she'll stop before she gets of arrested for indecent exposure, although being exposed to underpants with strawberry shortcake grinning at you may not be too indecent after all!
anyhow, the smug one, as i should call her now, has been extremely proud of her toileting achievements. When she does a pee in the potty, she announces loudly, "everybody clap!". we dutifully ooh and ahh. when its a poo, you'd better make sure the applause is nothing short of thunderous. so now she's showing off the little underpants to all and sundry. day 1, the 3 little boys next door got flashed at when they passed our gate and called out to her. their mum was suitably horrified...while my smug one grinned with pride. day 2 had her flashing at the grandparents, in public no less. So while i want to share her achievements (especially since technically, i didn't toilet train her, she did it herself by declaring suddenly, "i don't want diapers" and flatly refused to wear it anymore.)and celebrate each milestone, i need to also gently introduce the concept of public and private, which is an irritating concept to her. While keep successes private? shout it from the mountaintops man! so if you get flashed at by a certain 2 year old, please ohh and ahh accordingly with thunderous applause ok? For now. Till further notice.
anyhow, the smug one, as i should call her now, has been extremely proud of her toileting achievements. When she does a pee in the potty, she announces loudly, "everybody clap!". we dutifully ooh and ahh. when its a poo, you'd better make sure the applause is nothing short of thunderous. so now she's showing off the little underpants to all and sundry. day 1, the 3 little boys next door got flashed at when they passed our gate and called out to her. their mum was suitably horrified...while my smug one grinned with pride. day 2 had her flashing at the grandparents, in public no less. So while i want to share her achievements (especially since technically, i didn't toilet train her, she did it herself by declaring suddenly, "i don't want diapers" and flatly refused to wear it anymore.)and celebrate each milestone, i need to also gently introduce the concept of public and private, which is an irritating concept to her. While keep successes private? shout it from the mountaintops man! so if you get flashed at by a certain 2 year old, please ohh and ahh accordingly with thunderous applause ok? For now. Till further notice.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Gallop Stables on children's day
it was a beautiful, cool wed morning. perfect weather to go outdoors and outdoors we did! We spent the day at the Gallop Stables in Pasir Ris (its at Carpark C, smack between white sands and some other mall, elias?) where the little one very merrily fed the miniature horses with horse food (which we told her was carrots and brocolli to make the little horses grow-therefore-you-must-eat-your veges!). It says the activity was suitable for those above 7, but frankly, who above 7 would be so interested in feeding little horses?
the other attractive activity was pony riding which unfortunately, would not suit her till she's a bit older and able to hold on to the reigns without letting go. hopefully, that'll happen in a few months. it costs $10, which is well worth it seeing the faces of the children light up in sheer delight! What's also nice is it has an attached cafe which overlooks the pony riding track. this cafe also has 3 swings, which was very popular with maeve (she had to sit in each one in turn). after that was a little walk along the swamp where we could hear the sounds of gurgling water close by and little insects chatting with each other. a real good teaching experience as well, as we talked about still water, running water, what causes swamps to happen etc.will definitely make it a fortnightly place to visit.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
reflections on motherhood
As we start to think about having a second child, I've been reflecting upon what i'm glad i did, what i regret, what i'm not sure about. so here's the list:
The well-worth the effort
1. Breastfeeding for nearly 18 months. It was painful, tearful, downright bloody at times, but nonetheless very rewarding. Maeve is seldom sick and as for the supposed added intelligence, only time will tell. I figure, if God gave women breasts, I guess breastfeeding is meant to be THE BEST milk for our babies, no matter WHAT the formula companies say. However, one has to put up with very little/almost non-existent sleep for at least the 1st year. So not working full-time helped.
2. Pureeing all sorts of food and fruit for her weaning, rather than going the porridge path. (added to this is the star-buy, my freezer cubes, which goes from freezer to microwave to feeding!) Every single old lady, kept asking me if i was feeding her porridge, when she was about 6 months and tsk-ed tsk-ed at me for not doing so. I wanted her to have a varied diet, to accept all sorts of different tastes, such as mint leaves added to apple puree, coriander added to sweet potato. Today, I would say she's more adventurous in her eating than some of her peers, which of course, helps me heaps. i don't have to prepare special food for her when i go out! (see, self-preservation at work here!)
3. Teaching her to sign when she was 5 months. Between the ages of 5-12 months when speech was almost non-existent, or at least, incomprehensible, signing helped me meet her needs. she was more than capable of deciding what she wanted, and thank goodness for sign language, neither of us needed to be frustated.
4. Spending my money on lots of books rather than toys. We read about 3-5 books every night before bed and now that she's 2, she is able to "read" back. I'm still wondering if it is pure memory, or is she able to recognise some words. Either way, it suits me as she can now "read" to me instead!
5. Leaving my job. even though the 1st year was primarily feed, rock, bathe, change. repeat, i benefitted from watching her first flip, first smile, struggling to clean her when she pooped in the bath and vomited simultaneously, first attempt to kiss me..and so on...there's nothing like quantity time for a little one. the flip side is she is so close to me she refuses to let me out of her sight. even when i use the loo. When hubby and I went for bible study one friday night, she went home with my helper to an emtpy home and told my helper, "i'm going to cry" and proceeded to do so. when repeated questions of "where's my mummy?" drew negative responses or attempts at distractions, she looked at my helper, eyes brimming with tears, "i'm going to cry again".
As for the "i'm-not-sure"s,
1. a confinement nanny. I was adamant NOT to get one as i wanted to do everything on my own, to make the mistakes, learn. basically,to be like most mums elsewhere in the world. HOWEVER, i realise now that the result of trying to be super-mum is that i was severely exhausted and my health/body has never been the same again and i realise I'm more prone to chills now. with a 2 hr, sometimes less, breastfeeding schedule and a baby who cried when hot, cold, wet, dry, sad, bored, for no apparent reason at all, my sanity was close to going as well. What i really needed i guess was someone to take care of me while i took her of maeve. With a one month paternity leave, that solves it, but without, maybe hired help may be needed after all.
2. re-usable cloth diapers. of course, when i was pregnant, i had grandiose plans about saving the earth by not contributing to pollution with 6000 disposable diapers. well, i tried my bumwear diapers faithfully for a few months, but gave up (or rather succumbed) to the convenience of disposables. With a baby who would not sleep in the cot, but prefered my sling, washing diapers constantly was not high on the to-do list (although strangely i developed an obsession for washing clothes and crockery!). Now that i'm in the midst of toilet training, I'm pulling out the old bumwear again. I might try harder the next time round (especially since i have help now!)as frankly, it reusables save heaps of money.
3. co-sleeping. I'm mixed here. on one hand, it was very convenient and helpful to have a baby next to you when you are nursing on demand. i mean, just roll over, let her help herself and meanwhile, continue sleeping. I had her in the cot for 6 months and succumbed one exhausted night, when after nursing, i left her in my bed. which of course is the beginning of the end. after that, the smarty pants didn't want to be in her cot and frankly, we were too tired to care. it was a case of "deal with it when she's older". Now she IS older, she's still stuck between us, which, of course is NOT very convenient for cuddling up to your spouse! so we'll have to gradually move her to her big-girl bed. with huge protests probably.
4. not exposing her to chinese earlier. I'm trying very hard now to speak to her in mandarin. so far, we've managed to count, sing "san zhi lao hu" and say a few phrases. my MIL constantly laughs at it though as she sounds ang mo. she also ignores us when we attempt to speak in mandarin to her. so for number 2, we'll speak in mandarin from day one as the rest of the family will speak in english. How we'll do it is probably with lots of divine help. LOTS.
all in all, i'm ready to do it all again. including the sleepless nights. And the bleeding nipples. And being shat on. Just pray with us that God'll give us another little miracle.
The well-worth the effort
1. Breastfeeding for nearly 18 months. It was painful, tearful, downright bloody at times, but nonetheless very rewarding. Maeve is seldom sick and as for the supposed added intelligence, only time will tell. I figure, if God gave women breasts, I guess breastfeeding is meant to be THE BEST milk for our babies, no matter WHAT the formula companies say. However, one has to put up with very little/almost non-existent sleep for at least the 1st year. So not working full-time helped.
2. Pureeing all sorts of food and fruit for her weaning, rather than going the porridge path. (added to this is the star-buy, my freezer cubes, which goes from freezer to microwave to feeding!) Every single old lady, kept asking me if i was feeding her porridge, when she was about 6 months and tsk-ed tsk-ed at me for not doing so. I wanted her to have a varied diet, to accept all sorts of different tastes, such as mint leaves added to apple puree, coriander added to sweet potato. Today, I would say she's more adventurous in her eating than some of her peers, which of course, helps me heaps. i don't have to prepare special food for her when i go out! (see, self-preservation at work here!)
3. Teaching her to sign when she was 5 months. Between the ages of 5-12 months when speech was almost non-existent, or at least, incomprehensible, signing helped me meet her needs. she was more than capable of deciding what she wanted, and thank goodness for sign language, neither of us needed to be frustated.
4. Spending my money on lots of books rather than toys. We read about 3-5 books every night before bed and now that she's 2, she is able to "read" back. I'm still wondering if it is pure memory, or is she able to recognise some words. Either way, it suits me as she can now "read" to me instead!
5. Leaving my job. even though the 1st year was primarily feed, rock, bathe, change. repeat, i benefitted from watching her first flip, first smile, struggling to clean her when she pooped in the bath and vomited simultaneously, first attempt to kiss me..and so on...there's nothing like quantity time for a little one. the flip side is she is so close to me she refuses to let me out of her sight. even when i use the loo. When hubby and I went for bible study one friday night, she went home with my helper to an emtpy home and told my helper, "i'm going to cry" and proceeded to do so. when repeated questions of "where's my mummy?" drew negative responses or attempts at distractions, she looked at my helper, eyes brimming with tears, "i'm going to cry again".
As for the "i'm-not-sure"s,
1. a confinement nanny. I was adamant NOT to get one as i wanted to do everything on my own, to make the mistakes, learn. basically,to be like most mums elsewhere in the world. HOWEVER, i realise now that the result of trying to be super-mum is that i was severely exhausted and my health/body has never been the same again and i realise I'm more prone to chills now. with a 2 hr, sometimes less, breastfeeding schedule and a baby who cried when hot, cold, wet, dry, sad, bored, for no apparent reason at all, my sanity was close to going as well. What i really needed i guess was someone to take care of me while i took her of maeve. With a one month paternity leave, that solves it, but without, maybe hired help may be needed after all.
2. re-usable cloth diapers. of course, when i was pregnant, i had grandiose plans about saving the earth by not contributing to pollution with 6000 disposable diapers. well, i tried my bumwear diapers faithfully for a few months, but gave up (or rather succumbed) to the convenience of disposables. With a baby who would not sleep in the cot, but prefered my sling, washing diapers constantly was not high on the to-do list (although strangely i developed an obsession for washing clothes and crockery!). Now that i'm in the midst of toilet training, I'm pulling out the old bumwear again. I might try harder the next time round (especially since i have help now!)as frankly, it reusables save heaps of money.
3. co-sleeping. I'm mixed here. on one hand, it was very convenient and helpful to have a baby next to you when you are nursing on demand. i mean, just roll over, let her help herself and meanwhile, continue sleeping. I had her in the cot for 6 months and succumbed one exhausted night, when after nursing, i left her in my bed. which of course is the beginning of the end. after that, the smarty pants didn't want to be in her cot and frankly, we were too tired to care. it was a case of "deal with it when she's older". Now she IS older, she's still stuck between us, which, of course is NOT very convenient for cuddling up to your spouse! so we'll have to gradually move her to her big-girl bed. with huge protests probably.
4. not exposing her to chinese earlier. I'm trying very hard now to speak to her in mandarin. so far, we've managed to count, sing "san zhi lao hu" and say a few phrases. my MIL constantly laughs at it though as she sounds ang mo. she also ignores us when we attempt to speak in mandarin to her. so for number 2, we'll speak in mandarin from day one as the rest of the family will speak in english. How we'll do it is probably with lots of divine help. LOTS.
all in all, i'm ready to do it all again. including the sleepless nights. And the bleeding nipples. And being shat on. Just pray with us that God'll give us another little miracle.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
My Heart is Painful...
....says the little one, little hands clutching her chest, her smile, tipping downwards as she falls dramatically to her knees.All this, just because I raised my voice at her for deliberately scattering cheerios all over the floor. With such dramatics at 2 years of age, i shudder to think what else she'll come up with when older! Just the other day, after being quite the pest at the gramps, she managed to save herself from a scolding with 5 simple words "grandma, you look so cute!" I wonder when children learn how to be cute and charming and devious all at once. And I am the constant sucker who falls for it. EVERY TIme. How to discipline when she's at her cutest? Once again, if she turns into a real brat, it will be my fault. Everytime I don't discipline when i should, the hubby gives me the "you're dealing with her teachers and principal next time" look. So i should toughen up and practice my "think you're so cute? Not! and you're not getting away with it" look...until she smothers me with kisses and "mummy, love you bee bee much!" and then I'm mush again.
Monday, August 25, 2008
baby measures and all things considered
Like all mums, i followed the new baby bonus measures with keen interest. Would there be measures that help sort out work-life balance (ie. shut office buildings at 7 sharp so that parents will be forced to go home and interact with kids? on that note, friends in Melbourne usually have to dash off by 5pm to pick kids up from day care or else they get left at the police station or something. Besides, they need to go home and cook and do some weeding and iron some clothes. another friend reported that the security guard routinely chases him out at 7 as he's the only sucker left in the office building!); measures that recognise the importance of dad's in the whole baby equation (as i've always said to anyone who'd listen, 3 days does not a dad make.)by giving dad's paternity leave and flexibility to take more time off to help, even if only to be awake at 3am to help bring the baby to mum for milk; measures that make bringing baby out a little less stressful (i've hardly used the pram as maeve has always been in a sling and later, a backpack or on her own two feet) as it really is quite crazy trying to take a train or a bus with a little one. Just last week,i was on the MRT carrying her AND a big diaper bag, desperately trying to cling on to the MRT bars. Of course i wasn't offered a seat. But being the thick skinned person i was, i stood in front of those marked out seats (the ones you're meant to give up to people like me) and politely told the person in the seat to vacate it if you please. Unfortunately, the average mum doesn't have the hide of a rhino like me, so they endure it and pray desperately they and their bundle don't crash or slip. Maybe we're too polite to tell others off when they are not civic conscious. As a student overseas, i've heard the elderly scold young ones for occupying those seats, or a whole lot of people shouting at a queue jumper, so why haven't we the collective conscience to do likewise? So what i'd ask for in the new baby measures, is collective conscience, or plain civic mindedness.
I applaud the new initiatives although most won't apply to me. i don't work in a single organisation full time (although i work quite a bit) so the maternity leave won't apply to me. i don't intend to send maeve to child care, but a 3 hr kindy instead, so the subsidies won't apply either. The IVF subsidies don't appply as it only applies to fresh cycles (which i've been told in no uncertain terms by my gynae will probably ensure a repeat of my near death experience). i do however benefit from the tax rebates if i do have another one and a top-up of a baby bonus fund with another one (IF God grants us another one). So really, God provides through the state. It isn't necessary but it is a bonus.
I'm really wondering why the government throws all this money at parents when what parents want is something entirely different. we want guilt-free time with our children, we want to be able to leave the workforce for a bit (or work flexibly from home) in the formative years, which most child experts would say are the most vital years and re-enter when they are older.So while the powers that be have held focus sessions with parents, i'm not sure what sort of parents they held it with that would demand more money.surely having children has nothing to do with money? one wouldn't have more just because the state's giving money, in fact, it might just work the other way round.
All in all, i'm glad I have been able to make the decisions i made so that i have lots of time with maeve (although i wish part-timing was available when i had her so i didn't need to quit). i would consider it as building of sufficient good will that i can call upon during her impending difficult teenage years.I'm glad we're not stretched financially, that hubby has a stable, steady job. We have no debt except for a housing one which we hope to pay off real soon, we've got a helper who serves as my personal tutor on motherhood with her immense experience being a mother of 4, we've got wonderful parents who are so willing to help and would bend over backwards for their grandchildren.My parenthood journey has been nothing short of a miracle where i've experienced blessing upon blessing.Do i need financial motivation to have more? definitely not, i'll have many more in a heartbeat.
I applaud the new initiatives although most won't apply to me. i don't work in a single organisation full time (although i work quite a bit) so the maternity leave won't apply to me. i don't intend to send maeve to child care, but a 3 hr kindy instead, so the subsidies won't apply either. The IVF subsidies don't appply as it only applies to fresh cycles (which i've been told in no uncertain terms by my gynae will probably ensure a repeat of my near death experience). i do however benefit from the tax rebates if i do have another one and a top-up of a baby bonus fund with another one (IF God grants us another one). So really, God provides through the state. It isn't necessary but it is a bonus.
I'm really wondering why the government throws all this money at parents when what parents want is something entirely different. we want guilt-free time with our children, we want to be able to leave the workforce for a bit (or work flexibly from home) in the formative years, which most child experts would say are the most vital years and re-enter when they are older.So while the powers that be have held focus sessions with parents, i'm not sure what sort of parents they held it with that would demand more money.surely having children has nothing to do with money? one wouldn't have more just because the state's giving money, in fact, it might just work the other way round.
All in all, i'm glad I have been able to make the decisions i made so that i have lots of time with maeve (although i wish part-timing was available when i had her so i didn't need to quit). i would consider it as building of sufficient good will that i can call upon during her impending difficult teenage years.I'm glad we're not stretched financially, that hubby has a stable, steady job. We have no debt except for a housing one which we hope to pay off real soon, we've got a helper who serves as my personal tutor on motherhood with her immense experience being a mother of 4, we've got wonderful parents who are so willing to help and would bend over backwards for their grandchildren.My parenthood journey has been nothing short of a miracle where i've experienced blessing upon blessing.Do i need financial motivation to have more? definitely not, i'll have many more in a heartbeat.
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